A Season to Remember
by LotsOfLove
Summary: L&L. The holidays can be the best and the worst time of year. It can also change everything, and make the impossible happen.
1. Prologue Part One

**Disclaimer:** Unforunetly, I own nothing. If I did, we'd already have L&L married and with a kid and none of this would even be neccessary. Ah, wouldn't it be lovely?  
**Author's Note:**This idea came to me the other day, and it didn't want to go away: What better time would there be for L&L to reconcile than winter? Now, let me warn you first, there will be an unhealthy amount of Christopher at first, but I'm going to get rid of hiim as fast as I can, I promise. Anyways, on with the Christmas tale!

* * *

She stood silently by the window, watching the snow slowly fall. It was the fourth time it had snowed, and it was still the very beginning of December. 

"Now, that's not coffee, is it Lorelai?" Luke said as he walked over to her, eyeing the mug in her hand. "You promised me you would at least cut back on it, if not completely stop like I still think you should. I don't want our babies being caffeine addicts."

"Relax. It's tea, Mr. Health nut."

"Okay, okay, just checking." He was standing behind her, she was leaning against him and his arms were around her protruding stomach, watching the snow with her.

They stood in silence for a few minutes, just watching.

Her mind began to wander off, back to last year. Christmastime last year.

"What are you thinking about?" She was quickly drawn out of her trance.

"Last year. This time last year."

"Ah, yes. That was, if I say so myself, the best Christmas ever."

"It sure was."

They shared a soft kiss as the snow continued to fall from above, remembering what had finally brought them together again.

* * *

Snow. Togetherness. Festiveness. Magic. Ah, yes, these are just a few of the many terms that describe that simply enchanting time of year. The time when almost everyone seems friendlier. When a complete stranger will hold something for you while you get your car keys. When the mailman that you thought didn't have a nice bone in his body smiles at you as he continues on with his route. When you actually enjoy the cold, freezing weather that seems to bite at you from all angles, only because you look forward to getting inside and cozying up with a cup of hot apple cider and a "Charlie Brown Christmas" rerun. When you'll agree to do something that you would never normally do, just because you seem to enjoy the smile you get after agreeing even more than usual. When it seems like almost anything is possible. 

Almost anything.

Of course, it's not like the world just drops all its problems and becomes perfect just because the season changes. Wars continue on, people continue to die, lovers keep on arguing, there's still nothing good on TV, the jerk in front of you still sits there for twenty seconds after the light changes. Problems keep going on, the big and the small. And, unfortunately, Christmas doesn't change that.

And at times, it can even make us feel worse than we already did. Seeing everyone else so happy can just remind us of the fact that we aren't, for whatever reason. That's when everything gets all lonely. Like everything is shriveling up inside, and how bad you felt before is multiplied by ten. It cuts deep, straight to the place where you should be feeling the holiday joy.

But that time of year can also give us power. It gives us all those warm, fuzzy feelings, that at times can make us feel invincible. Like nothing can bring you down, simply because you feel so good-hearted inside.

And the real, true believers in this get the most out of it. They take more risks. Not life-threatening, let's-go-jump-off-a-cliff risks, but risks that could possibly ruin their holiday hope forever if they don't turn out right. But because they believe so much, that almost never happens.

Almost.

But still, nobody's holiday season is perfect every year, no matter how much of a believer they are. That's just a fact of life.

And yet, of course, there is one more factor that goes into this complex season: fate. Some people believe in it with all their hearts, others think it's not but nonsense and squabble. And still others aren't quite sure either way. But fate is something special. It can turns someone's whole life around in a second, for the good or the bad. Some things are just meant to be, whether you know it or not.

Even if you are one of those people you think I'm talking rubbish, know this: there is such a thing as Christmas magic. It all depends on how you use it.

Now, surprise of all surprises, we've come to the point of this whole thing. This Christmas tale is about how holiday magic, love, and fate, can change everything, even when times are at their lowest. It's about the lives of two people, meant to be, but had lost the battle to outside problems and miscommunications. Neither had ever had to deal with what they had to go through before then, and both made mistakes that they thought had cost them the love of their life. So they both tried to move on, and they continued on with their lives, without the one they wanted most.

I know, classic, sad, love story. But there was a twist. In their small town of Stars Hollow, that oh-so magical time of year was rapidly approaching, and there was no hiding from it or its magic.

Let's take a peak inside their lives, right before the magic hit, shall we?

* * *

Well, what are you waiting for? Go on to Part 2, silly!


	2. Prologue Part Two

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, I'm sorry for not posting the second part along with the first part. I had to get offline right after I posted the first part, but part two is here now! I'll be updating a lot because I want to get this done before Christmas. So, here's Part 2!

* * *

"I swear, Lor, you must be back luck or something!"

"Hey now, I am not! I have no control over what happens!"

"Really? Let's review the past five episodes. Every time you would scream 'Deal!' or 'No Deal!' at the TV, the contestant would do exactly what you said, and it'd end up being the worst choice!"

"It was purely chance! I can't help it if they're bad decision makers."

"I don't think we should watch it anymore, you might end up costing someone the money they were going to use for their brother-in-laws kidney transplant or something."

"Or, they'll end up using it to take a family cruise, but because they don't like their brother-in-law, they'll purposely not invite him and that'll start a whole family feud!"

"We're still talking about 'Deal or No Deal,' right?"

"Yes, the 'Family Feud' thing was just a coincidence."

"Ok then. But what if you _do_ end up losing someone the money the need for a surgery or something? You'll be responsible for a death!" he said with a playful tone.

"Hey now, stop with the trying-to-predict-the-future thingy. You can't do that! And you know why?" She spotted Paul Anka over on a chair. "Because only Paul Anka can! He's the amazing doggie swami! Right, boy?" She walked over and stroked his head as he laid there lethargically.

The Doggie Swami. She had unintentionally taken her thoughts to where she often tried to avoid taking them. That night, the night of the doggie swami and the whole festival. It was when they postponed the wedding.

For a split second, she seemed frozen, as she made all the connections in her mind, lost deep in the memories.

"Lor?"

"What? Oh yeah." She snapped out of her daze just as quickly as she got into it. "So… you want to watch more TV or just go to bed? Maybe there'll be another special on about Tomkat's wedding."

"Is there a third option?" he said softly, pulling her into a kiss.

Pulling away after a few seconds, she said, "Yes, there is. We could go make me some tea! I think I'm getting sick or something."

"Oh, and you were sick just a minute ago, right? Uh-huh, yeah, sure."

"You better watch it, I just might 'accidentally' spill my tea on you, if you know what I mean." she replied jokingly. That was a thing about him. He could change from one mood to another in an instant. Of course, that wasn't always a good thing.

"Well, does my frail maiden need assistance to the kitchen?"

"Oh, I don't know if I can make it," she said in a weakened voice as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Let me get the tea. You sit down."

"Well, arighty then. Oh, I just remembered, don't forget, we have to go meet my _mother_ again tomorrow for more planning," she told him, not forgetting to put the extra disgusted emphasis on _mother_.

"Aw, man. I feel another 'What I would rather do than go to another wedding planning meeting with Emily,' list coming on."

"Come on now, we've made so many of those that I'm thinking of publishing a book with them."

Back when Christopher had proposed in Paris, she had known that they couldn't just elope like he had wanted to. She didn't want to risk having another rift with Rory. Of course, now they had to spend endless hours with Emily, choosing this and planning that and the whole shebangbang.

"Fine. But let's make one in the car on the way there tomorrow."

"Ok, it's a deal."

"Alright now, no more of the 'd-word' from you tonight," he replied as he handed her her tea.

Less than ten minutes later they had gotten into bed, him snuggled up against her. He had swiftly fallen asleep, but she stayed awake just a few extra minutes. She liked the quietness of the night, it was her own alone time, even though Christopher was right next to her.

Thanksgiving had come and gone, they had gone to her parents house for the holiday, and December had just begun. December meant winter. Winter meant snow.

The past couple of months had been… different. She simply didn't allow herself to think about Luke and what had happened and what she had done. She simply couldn't deal with it. It just hurt to much. That's where Christopher had come in.

He was sweet, romantic, charming… everything she had needed. She felt secure, her life was good; she had finally gotten what had been missing all those years.

At least, she thought so.

Even though she thought that she finally had everything that she wanted, that she thought that at last, nothing else was missing, she couldn't shake that little empty feeling inside. That even though she was generally happy, there was still something missing, like a part of her still wasn't there. She couldn't think of what it could be, but she still just couldn't shake the feeling.

_Maybe it'll go away once it snows, once the holidays begin,_ she thought before peacefully drifting off to sleep.

It had always been her favorite time of year.

* * *

"Luke?" 

"Yeah, Kirk?"

"Would you like to know what my next career venture is going to be?"

"Not particularly." The last time Kirk did something new was when he opened his own diner across the street from 'Luke's' when it was in repair from the "Thunderbird" incident.

"I am going to become a masseuse. Well, a masseurs to be technically accurate."

"A masseurs?"

"Yes, a masseurs."

"A masseurs?" Luke said, still in shock.

"Can you hear me right, Luke? I'm going to be a masseurs!" Kirk replied, yelling the last sentence.

"Jeez, Kirk, quiet down, I can hear you fine! So, you're going to be a masseurs."

"Correct."

"Can I ask you why?"

"Oh, I don't know. I saw a flyer for masseurs training the other day, and it just sort of spoke to be."

"Yeah, uh-huh."

"But the problem is that I have to give one hundred free hours of massage to get certified, and family doesn't count, so I need to find some volunteers that will let me massage them."

"Well, whoever volunteers, tell me who they are so I can have them admitted to the nearest mental clinic, okay Kirk?"

"For your information, I happen to be very good with my hands. Mother has always said so."

"Uh-huh, well, that's great Kirk. Now finish your coffee, I'm closing up soon."

The diner had been packed less than twenty minutes ago since he decided to stay open late because of the town meeting. Now there were only a few people left, and all of them but Kirk were leaving.

But within a few more minutes, Kirk was also gone, and Luke was almost done closing up.

He didn't particularly like this time of day. At least not now. Whenever he was alone, he always ended up thinking about exactly what he didn't want to think about.

The past few months would have been a living nightmare for some people. He lost his fiancée in the worst way possible, a car ran into the diner, his ex-fiancée got engaged to another man, and Anna was more protective over April than ever. And in a way, it had been a living nightmare. Especially with Anna trying to take April away from him. He wasn't about to let one of the only things he had left just be pulled away from him. After he had threatened to take her to court, she had given in and decided to move her mother up the Connecticut until the school year was over. It wasn't the solution that he wanted, but it was good for the time being.

Of course, good things had happened too. He got to have the two weeks of April living with him. And Liz's baby was born.

She was such a beautiful baby, he remembered that that was one of the first things he thought. The next thought was how much he wanted to got tell Lorelai about it.

The only way he had been able to get through all the bad was to not think about what had happened. To not remember how he was so unknowingly oblivious to what she thought, how he had waited so long to tell her about April, how much it had hurt her. To not recall how terrible the fight with her had been, to not recall how incredibly hurt he felt when she told him that she had slept with Christopher. It had felt like he was just crumbling to pieces inside, unable to feel any worse than he did. Even thinking about the good times just made it worse. He couldn't think about it at all. It was just too hard.

He didn't know what to do. So he did what he would regret a million times later: he fooled himself into believing that they weren't right for each other. That they weren't meant to be together, and they were better as friends. He knew deep down that he would never believe that, but what else could he do if she wanted to be with someone else?

So he went on with his life. Ever now and then, something would remind him of her, how they used to be, but he would push the thought away just as rapidly as it came.

Of course, now the holidays were approaching, and every little part of it reminded him of her. She had always loved it all so much, especially the snow. She was always talking about how magical it was, and for awhile, he thought so too...

He flipped the lights off and slowly walked upstairs, tired from the long day's work. Even with all that had happened, even with all that was happening, he was content. He was happy. His life was good, for the first time in a long time.

After getting into bed a few minutes later, he turned off the lamp and stared into space for awhile. He diverted his gaze to the window, staring at the moonlight hitting the window.

As good as things were, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. That a part of him was gone. It was the oddest thing. And he couldn't think of what it could be.

_Who knows. It'll go away soon enough,_ he thought before falling asleep.

* * *

You are about to see this wonderful holiday season in action. You'll see how the tiniest twist of fate can create some big opportunities. How they are used is what is chosen by the beholder. Don't believe me yet? Ay, just wait. 

Like I said, during the holidays, almost anything is possible.


	3. Runnin Round Hartford

**Author's note: **Ok. First I just want to say that I hate Christopher as much as you all do, trust me. I'm getting rid of him ASAP. And also I'm planning on including some of the stuff that happened "Merry Fisticuffs" (basically just the aftermath of it, their arguments about having kids, the vows, etc.) in the fic. But first I have a question: Would guys perfer to actually SEE the C/L breakup, or just a little piece of the end or beginning? Tell me in your review!

* * *

"Okay, just one more. Number 45- I'd rather watch 'The Phantom of the Opera,' with no sound, over and over again for twenty-four hours straight."

They had just pulled into her parent's driveway and were about to get out. They had to go to yet _another_ meeting with her mother for the wedding. It was still the wee hours of the morning, at least for a Saturday. It was barely 10 AM, but making the what-I'd-rather-do list had woken both Lorelai and Christopher up, to some extent.

"And that, my friends, is the conclusion of this chapter of "Expressing your hate for planning a wedding with your mother-in-law. Now go on to Chapter 13: 'Hiding your hate'," she said, not missing a beat.

It was a cold, crisp morning, but there was still no sign of snow, she could tell. Not yet. The sun was just barely visible beyond the light grey clouds. The nippiness was actually quite refreshing. It was beginning to feel like winter. If only it would snow.

"Well, at least there's only one more month of this. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep coming up with decent ideas for the lists."

"And, that is where we differ: I will NEVER run out of ideas of things I'd rather do than be anywhere near my _mother_. It's impossible," she replied as she rang the doorbell. She was in a I'm-feeling-very-very-playful mood, and she was on a roll.

"Why, hello Lorelai! And good morning Christopher, how are you?"

Lorelai stood there of just a moment. She was used to this by now, but it still amazed her. How whenever they would show up for a meeting, her mother would be all happy-cheery. Of course, once they ended up disagreeing with her about something, the Emily they knew would come back and not understand how they could possibly not agree with her. But she would never take it too far, giving in with a little huff in the end.

"Hey mom."

"Hi, Emily, I'm fine, thank you-"

Before he could get in the, "and how are you?" she interrupted him and said "Oh, now Christopher, how many times do I have to tell you that it's okay for you to call me mom now?"

"Um, ok… Mom!"

You could cut the awkwardness with a knife, but if Emily noticed, she didn't say anything.

"Well, come in now, we don't have all day! We've got a lot of work to do!"

* * *

A little under an hour of planning had passed before Emily announced that they were done for the day.

"Really, Emily, is that all?"

"Yes, for now. Actually, I have someone coming in to help you pick out your tuxedo, Christopher!"

"Who's coming mom? It's Miss Celine, right?"

"Oh my, did I not tell you? She passed away."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious, just a few months ago. Very sudden, we were told it was just of natural causes," she said before walking off and gesturing for them to come along.

"Wow. I can't believe she's finally gone," she said, and adding to Christopher in a lower voice, "and it's about time, too. She was absolutely ancient! As nice as a fashion consultant can be, but I swear, she must have been married to Julius Cesar at some point!"

They walked into the living room and Lorelai took a look around. "Well, who's taking her place then?"

"We found an old friend of Celine's who's in the same line of work Celine was. She moved over to Europe and began doing what she does around the same time Celine did."

"Are you talking about me, darling?"

As soon as they heard the voice, all three turned their attention to where it was coming from. In walked a older lady, almost an exact replica of Miss Celine, except she had exceptionally long, wavy hair and dark green eyes, almost like a jade stone. But she still talked in the same way and dressed in the same eclectic style Miss Celine did.

"Oh, Jayne, Jayne, come here. I want you to meet my daughter Lorelai her fiancé, Christopher. Lorelai, Christopher, this is Miss Jayne."

"Emily, I told you, I'll be having none of this 'Miss' nonsense. Just because Celine liked it, it doesn't mean I do. Now, I need all of you to some out to the car with me and help bring things in," Jayne said, and walked out the room in a dramatic matter, Emily close behind, Lorelai and Christopher trailing in the end, still a step behind the game.

When Jayne was far enough away, Emily quickly turned to Lorelai and Christopher and said in a hushed voice, "I heard that years ago after all their years of friendship, they had quite a rough falling-out. Something to do with Audrey Hepburn."

"My my, friends fighting over old-time celebrities, you don't here much about that anymore, now do you?" Lorelai said before the ruckus began.

Less than twenty minutes later the living room looked like it had been turned into a tuxedo rental shop. With some help from the maids, they had gotten everything in the house quickly, and there were tuxedos everywhere, all in separated piles.

"Um, mom?"

"Yes, Lorelai?"

"I kind of have a problem. See, I didn't know we'd be here this long, and I kind of made plans to have lunch with someone."

"What? Why?"

"Well, Sookie is here in Hartford because she had to pick up a shipment of stuff for the kitchen at the Inn, and I said I'd meet her for lunch. Because, mom, the crazy thing is that some people who are friends like to get together and eat and talk for fun sometimes! Can you believe it?"

"There's no need for you to get sarcastic, Lorelai, I was just asking. What about Christopher."

"Well, I have some papers for work that I need to pick up a few towns away, so I'll just call for a car or something."

"Oh. Well, I guess it's okay then."

"Arighty then. Bye!" she said as she began to walk out the door.

He trailed after her. "Hey now, aren't you forgetting something?"

"Oh, well where is my head this morning?" she said, giving him a small kiss before walking out the door.

Why _had_ she forgotten to say good bye? The thought crossed her mind as she climbed in her car. It was just a little thing that probably meant nothing, she knew that, but still. She almost always said at least more than just a general "good bye" to whoever was in the room. And it's not like she was in a hurry, there was still twenty minutes until she was supposed to meet Sookie. She had just wanted to get out of there.

Ever since they gotten married, she never had any alone time. Whenever they were home, he was always there, sitting next to her. In some ways, she liked it. She liked getting so much attention. It was great, at least for the first few days. Now he was giving her barely any space.

But the thing was that she wanted more space than she should really have wanted. When you're in love with someone, there's a certain amount of space you want, no more, no less. And she wanted more.

_Why?_

She just couldn't figure it out.

* * *

An hour later, Lorelai and Sookie were sitting comfortably in an outdoor café, chatting it up and having a good time.

"And so they guy tells me that all their delivery trucks are broken! That something must have happened when he took them to the shop to get them tuned up! So he says that I have to either come and pick up the pots myself, or I'll have to wait until Christmas! I mean, I seriously can't wait that long, there are so many things I can't make without those pots!"

"You made the right choice, Sook. What I don't understand is how ALL of their trucks weren't working! What are the odds of that?!"

"I know, it's so weird. It's like fate and the mighty ones who control it are against me!"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far. Fate and his friends like to give everyone a break now and then."

"Hey, do you think I can get a ride back to Stars Hollow with you? My car's in the shop."

"It's not the same shop those delivery trucks were in, is it?"

"No," she replied with a giggle.

"Just checking."

"So… how's married life treating you? You adjusting okay?"

"'Adjusting?' What am I, the new kid in school?"

"You know what I mean."

"Well…" she wasn't sure if she should tell her what she was thinking about earlier. She didn't want it turned into a problem. She couldn't take any more relationship problems. She just couldn't. "It's fine."

"Yeah? Everything's fine between you and Christopher?"

"Yeah, it's- going great."

"Well, okay then, that's great." she didn't want to pry because she knew she had to try and be supportive, she was her friend, after all. But even so, she could tell there was something wrong. She could just tell. But she had to let it be for now.

They talked about other things for awhile, Davey, the secret Santa that the Inn's staff was doing, the holidays coming up…

After awhile, they left for the drive back to Stars Hollow.

_Well, if anything's going to change, it's going to change now. That's what the holidays are all about,_ Sookie thought as she silently looked over at Lorelai, who was still fighting battles with her own thoughts.


	4. That One Simple Song

**Author's Note:** I still want to know if you guys would prefer to see the C/L break up or not, let me know! Until then,here's something to get you through the weekend. :-)

* * *

They were driving along, back to Stars Hollow. There had been a quietness in the car for awhile now, and you could tell they were both deep in their thoughts.

"Hey, let's put some music on," Sookie said, breaking the silence.

"O-kay," Lorelai responded, turning the radio on, searching for something to listen to. Unfortunately, everything that was on was either incredibly annoying Christmas music, which neither person was in the mood for, or just plain bad songs. Sookie began to look for a CD in the glove department.

"Oh, this looks good," she said, putting it in. Lorelai wasn't able to catch the artist's name or anything before Sookie put it in, but when the first song came on, she vaguely recognized the mellow female voice, but she couldn't remember from where.

The conversation picked up a bit after that. The discussion went everywhere from what was on Oprah the other day to why they even watched Oprah to random Inn things to the decorations they were planning to put in the town square.

Then time seemed to stop when the next song came on.

It only took Lorelai a few seconds after hearing the first few soft guitar chords to realize which song it was. And she was sure of it when she heard the first line.

_Now that I've worn out, I've worn out the world…_

The first time. The wedding. Liz's wedding, about two or three years ago.

The dance.

He had caught her of guard when he had asked her to dance, she recalled. She didn't realize what was going on. But it had felt so right. It had been the true realization of everything.

Hearing that song, _their_ song, it brought back all the feelings that she had been overwhelmed with, all the thoughts that had been racing through her head. She remembered.

All those emotions, those feelings, those thoughts that had been brought back by that one simple song, combined with the doubts about her current "love" life, it was all too much for her to take. She was too weak from all the pretending. The pretending she was happy, the pretending she was fine, the pretending that she was over Luke. She _wasn't_ over him. Deep down, she had known that all along. But she had fooled herself into thinking that she was. She would never be over him. She knew that. And there was no hiding from it anymore. That one simple song had brought the reality back.

Memories were flashing through her head, from the first time the met ten years ago to the last time she saw him, when she saw that shocked, hurt look on his face when that ring on her finger. She was barely aware of what she was doing; it was like her body was disconnected from her mind.

And she realized that she could never feel that way about Christopher. Everything that had to do with Luke put aside, there was no way she could love him the way he loves her. She had always known about the little things that showed how wrong they were, but she refused to think about them. She thought that he was all that was left for her. But she knew that she couldn't go on that way.

Only a few seconds had passed, but Sookie could tell that something intense was going on. The look in her eyes, the forceful gaze that was looking at nothing.

"Lorelai?"

She could feel her eyes tearing up.

"Lorelai?! Honey, pull over!"

Lorelai was no longer paying attention to driving, and even though they were on a lonesome highway and hadn't seen another car for awhile, she was still veering off a bit.

She did what she was told, as the song continued playing.

… _Got off and looked up, looked into your eyes…_

She finally managed to find words.

"The song."

"What? Do you want me to turn it off?" Sookie said, reaching for the stereo.

"No."

They sat in silence, Sookie totally clueless to what was going on, and Lorelai reminiscing, allowing herself to enjoy it, letting all the other thoughts drift away for a moment.

All too soon, the last sound of the violin accompaniment glided off, and as Lorelai turned the engine off, Sookie began to timidly approach her.

Gently, she said, "Lorelai, wh-?"

"Our first dance."

"What are you talking about?"

"It was at Liz's wedding. He asked me to dance and I didn't know what was going on, like I never thought it would actually happen."

"Oh." She understood.

"You should have seen it Sook, we were just so… I don't know. It was just so magical, so right… we kept getting closer and closer, and I remember looking in his eyes and thinking 'Oh my gosh. This is it.' I was taken into such an overwhelming amount of feelings with him, right then," she said, not believing she had just said all of that out loud. What was going on?

Sookie decided to take the Dr. Phil approach. "Have you ever felt that way with anyone else?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Has that ever happened with Christopher? Have you ever gotten that overwhelming amount of feelings with him. Good feelings."

"Of course I have."

"Name one time."

She was silent. Sookie continued, "Just… forget about Luke for right now. This is about Christopher. Now, I know I need to be supportive of whatever relationship you are in, but still, this is a big thing we're talking about here. Do you think you can spend the rest of your life with him? Do you like waking up to him next to you every morning, do you see yourself making future plans with him, do you see each other growing old and drinking prune juice on the porch together?"

"Well-"

"Do you guys fight a lot? Like, do you disagree often?"

"No, not very often. At least not yet."

"Well, that's good. So, do things like, feel 'right' with him? Ah, that sounds weird. Like…"

"Jeez, Sookie! What are you, an undercover member of the Interrogation Squad?"

"Well, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this."

"Sookie, there's nothing to get to the bottom of! I'm fine."

"Uh-huh, sure. Then why are you crying?"

She hadn't even noticed, but she quickly realized that there were tears still streaming down her face.

"It just made me think of that memory, that's all."

"Yeah? Well, when someone is happily married and something reminds them of their ex, they quietly enjoy remembering the memory for a minute, they don't go into an emotional breakdown!"

"Sookie!"

"Lorelai, just tell me this: are you really happy with the way things are?"

She paused. She was tired of saying that she was fine over and over again, even though she was partly doing it just to make _herself_ believe it.

"I knew it. I could tell, even when you said you were fine, that something was wrong. Gah, I knew it!"

"Would you let me answer for myself, please?"

"So answer it then!"

"… I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I just don't know."

The silence was almost unbearable.

"Well, you need to find out soon, hon. I mean, you can't keep going on if you're not happy."

"I know."

"Okay. Are you okay to drive?" Sookie knew this was something Lorelai had to figure out for herself, and she had done all she could.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Lorelai turned the key that she left in the ignition, only to hear nothing. She tried again, and again, and again, but still nothing.

"What's wrong with it?"

"I don't know, I'm not a car genius or mechanic or any of that.'

"Well then, I'll call-" Sookie got out her phone, only to find the screen dark no matter how many times she pressed the 'on/off' button. "Crap, it's dead!"

"It's okay we'll just use mine and-" Lorelai reached in her pocket for her cell phone, only to find that it wasn't there. And then it came back to her. "Aw man, I left it on the dining room table at my mother's house!"

"Hm… well, I saw a gas station awhile back."

"How far back?"

"Well, it was- oh, it's right down there!" You could see the gas station far down, on the edge of the flat highway.

"Oh, well, lucky us!"

"I'll go call someone, one of Jackson's friends has a towing company near here I think. You stay here in case someone comes in the next five minutes."

"Oh my, what an important job!" She was happy to get a little time alone, it was just what she needed.

Soon after Sookie began to walk, Lorelai got out of the car and leaned on the passenger side of the car, thinking about what Sookie had said. She thought she heard a car, but figured it was just the wind that was beginning to get worse and worse by the minute.

As it turned out, she did hear right. He got out and stopped over by the hood of the car, and she knew it was him before he could say a word.

"Lorelai? Is that you?"

Oh my god. It was a holiday miracle.

Or so she thought.

* * *

_tbc_


	5. Meeting On The Broken Road

**Author's Note: **Sorry it's taken me awhile to update. So much freakin homework before finals! And just a reminder, this is still pre-7.10, post 7.08. Anyways, on with the story!

* * *

She turned around and saw him standing there. It was like a blanket of absolute awe came over her. She couldn't believe her eyes, but at the same time, it's like she knew he would be there.

"Yep, it's me. Hi, Luke."

Luke. It felt good to say his name.

_Man, I'm in so over my head,_ she thought as the full effect of _everything _that was going on finally hit her.

"Lorelai, what are you doing out here?" he said. She was trying to see if she could detect any out-of-the-ordinary vibes from him, but it was just like the last time they were together, too normal for their own good.

"Well, long story short, the car won't work, I don't have my phone and Sookie's died, so now she's walking to the gas station back down the road to call someone, and I'm supposed to stay here."

"Wow."

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, I can probably fix your car, you know. What's wrong with it?"

"I tried to turn it on and it didn't make a sound. Not even a weird grinding or gurgling noise to let me know that I even still have an engine."

"Oh, so you _do_ know what an engine is," he said with that familiar playful smile as he began to walk over to his truck.

That smile made her heart skip a beat, but she could hardly recognize it, it had been so long. "Ha ha. So what's wrong with it then?"

"The battery's probably dead."

"And you can fix that?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, good."

A second passed before Luke said, "You know, we should probably try to call Sookie back." You could still see her walking along the edge of the road, she was almost there.

"Okay. SOOKIE!!!!!!" Lorelai screamed. She didn't respond, she was too far down the road.

"Hey Lorelai, you might want to be a little louder, that way the people down in Antarctica will be able to hear you," he told her as he came back to her car with the jumper cables.

"Oh, now, you know there aren't any people down there. It's much too cold. They'd turn into human popsicles."

Things with them were… different. It's not like they haven't seen each other forever and everything was all weird, but it just very different now that one of them was about to be married to someone else. You could just feel it in the air.

Maybe it was that it was the first time they'd been really alone since everything happened. Sookie was all the way at the gas station by then, they were on a dead highway, not another soul was there, and whatever happened, nobody else would know about it.

Luke set up the jumper and hooked the cable between his truck and her car, and at last he was all finished. Now they just had to wait. He walked over to where she was leaning on the side of the car, and leaned right along with her, about a foot or two away, unsure if she would scoot farther away from him or not.

She didn't.

"So…"

"Yeah," she said with a little embarrassed giggle. All the feelings that she had felt whenever she was with him before, they all came right back, she couldn't fight it, as much as she thought that he didn't love her anymore and that he would never forgive her.

Those feelings never went away.

"I can't believe you were here! I mean, who knows how long we would have had to wait out here if we had to wait for a towing company to come. Why were you out here, anyway?"

"Well, I was going to go pick up April take her to the book store, you know, to get her a few new things to read, but Anna suddenly called up and said that April couldn't go. And I had to go out to Hartford anyways to pick up some new tools that they didn't have at the hardware store in Woodbridge, so I decided to take this highway because I figured it'd be pretty dead, you know. No traffic."

"Oh, that's smart. Unless, of course, your car breaks down and you're in the middle of nowhere."

"Hey, you got lucky. Most people's cars don't just conveniently break down a little bit past a gas station."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

The conversation stopped for a minute. She wanted to talk to him badly, to just let it all out. She wanted to confide in him about everything, all the feelings she still had for him, all her doubts about Christopher. She wanted him to know just how much she missed him although she wouldn't allow herself to admit it because she thought that he'd never want to be with her again. She wanted to tell that she would never ever intentionally hurt him, that she had been so stupid beyond words, and that she would be willing to wait until he forgave her, if he ever did.

But the words just wouldn't come out.

He was studying her from the corner of his eye. She still looked the same, the same beautiful woman he had subconsciously coveted for so many years, but there was something different. He could just tell. There was something inside of her that wasn't right, there was that certain spark from deep inside her that was missing. He just knew.

But, what did he really know anymore? After all that happened, who knows what could have changed.

He decided that he was wrong; everything was fine with her. He was just imagining things. What he really wanted to know was if she was happy with _him_ or not. Lorelai had a tendency to pretend everything was okay when it really wasn't.

Every time he was with her, it brought back all the good feelings from the past years. Every moment, every gaze, every kiss they had shared always flooded back to his mind. But after awhile he was reminded of their current situation. Then his thoughts would do what they had been for the past many many months; between wanting to hate her for everything she did and wondering what he could have done to prevent what had happened. In a way it was her fault and in a way it was his. He had figured that out long ago.

But playing the blame game wouldn't get them any farther than they were.

While he was thinking of what to say next, she was busy looking at his hat. She had noticed it before, the first time she saw it. But she knew it would be too weird to say anything. She figured most people thought that he got a new one just because his new one was black, and black's a mourning color, like he was mourning for loosing her or whatever. But she knew the real reason. Because _she_ had given him the blue one, the one he wore every day after she had given it to him. Not many people knew she had given him the hat, actually, nobody else did, she assumed.

Of course, a few seconds later he caught her staring up at his hat, and she quickly diverted her gaze. They didn't say anything about it, they both already knew, and there was no reason to just cause that bad awkwardness by voicing it.

She decided to take the first move.

"So," she said, turning to him, "how are you? How's everything."

"Oh, fine, fine," he replied. It was like he was on automatic command, because what else could he say? That even after all she did, deep down, he still loved her and missed just being with her and he was tired of how things were going and he at least wanted to be friends again? That he was sorry that she went through so much with April and the wedding being postponed, that he was simply oblivious to it all and he would never have wanted her to have to go through that much? That he would always care about her no matter what happened and he just needed her with him again?

Well, maybe. But no, not then. He wouldn't be able to take getting shot down again after opening up to her.

"And how about you?"

"Oh yeah, everything's good," she said. What else could she say? That just a little bit earlier she had broken down because she had heard the song that had that magical first dance to? That she wasn't even sure if she was happy with everything? That she missed him so much, him just being there, that she was sorry for everything that had happened and she would understand if he never forgave her, even though it would really kill her inside?

Uh, no. Not then, at least. Maybe someday. But not then.

As much as he thought that it was just his imagination and everything truly was good her, he couldn't help thinking that maybe she was holding back, that maybe there was something she wasn't telling him, but she wanted to.

"Really?"

It was her chance. She _knew_ that he knew that there was something else wrong. She could practically feel the words in her mouth, just bursting to come out.

But part of her still believed that he didn't really care anymore, that he was just being nice.

"Really. Everything is fine."

"Okay then."

All the thoughts and emotions inside of her were mixing together, and combined they made a bad combination. Suddenly she got angry. Why was _she_ feeling all guilty about this? _He _was the one that put her through those many months of nothing being settled, of letting her down when he went so long without telling her about April, of going ahead and postponing the wedding when he should have known that it wasn't what she really wanted.

She knew everything that had happened was partly her fault for her not speaking up enough. He couldn't just be expected to _know_ what she was thinking, no matter how good of a connection they had. But she was too emotional for her own good at that point, and all rationality flew right out the window.

Why did everything have to happen? If they had just gone on like they had been, they'd be married, planning their first Christmas as a couple.

Why did he let her walk away that night, after they had fought? Why didn't he call out her name like she had wanted him to, why didn't her run up and hug her and say everything would be okay like he had so many times before?

Why?

She needed to know some answers. She needed to understand what had happened, she couldn't just go on not knowing anymore. It was time.

She decided to take a chance.

"Why didn't you come after me?

"What?"

"That night after we fought. Why didn't you come after me? I walked away and you didn't come after me, Luke!"

"Lorelai-"

"No!" She even startled herself by the loudness of her voice. "I need to know something! We haven't even really talked about this. Luke, how can we expect for things to ever be slightly okay with us again if we can't talk about this."

"You want to know why I didn't go after you?" he hollered at her. She could sense the annoyed, angry tone in his voice.

"Well, yes!"

"You want to know why? Because I didn't think you'd just go off and do what you did! I thought that maybe you just needed time to cool down! I know how you get when you're arguing. You can be so stubborn sometimes, I just thought that maybe if I gave you the chance to relax that we'd be able to talk it out in the morning! I didn't think that you'd go off and sleep with that guy! Whether we were broken up or not, the Lorelai I know would never _ever_ go off and do something that heartless to someone she loved!"

"Luke-"

"I guess you've just became a different person. And no matter what you say, you've changed Lorelai, and I know that the real you is still there somewhere! But just think about this: I would _never_ do something like that to you. Never!"

"Luke, I-"

"Forget it. Your car is done."

No. She wasn't just going to let him leave like that.

"Luke, just-"

"Lorelai!" She had never heard him yell that loud before. Not at her. Never at her. "What do you want!? You asked a question, I gave you the answer! I can't do this anymore!"

"So you're just going to leave!?"

"What the hell else do you expect me to do?!"

"God, I don't know! Just stop yelling at me, okay! Just stop! I can't take it!"

He stared at her for a moment. He knew that what he had said earlier was true. The old Lorelai was never this weak.

Had _he _caused her to become this way?

In any other situation, he would walk up and hug her, just hold her in his arms, he'd tell her that everything would be okay, she would apologize and so would he, and they'd go on.

But this was not any other situation.

She watched him undo the cables connecting their cars in silence. He got in his car, ready to drive off. She knew that this might be her very last chance to say anything. Maybe it would be her last chance for a few days, maybe a few years, maybe her last chance ever.

He drove off, leaving her standing there on the side of the deserted road, nothing left.

His heart shattered even more than it had before right as hers did.

Neither one of them told any one else what happened that December day for many years.

* * *

_tbc_


	6. Questions and No Answers

**Author's Note: **Ok, guys, just bear with me a little longer! I promise, the end of Christopher is forthcoming! FYI, this is still Pre-7.10. Now, let's get on with it!

* * *

Those few seconds between walking back to his truck and angrily slamming the door and speeding off like that had felt like an eternity to him. He had wanted so much for her to stop him, for her to explain all that had been going through her mind, for them to talk it all out so they could finally be over it so things could get better and they could move on.

At least, that's what the old Lorelai would have done.

He could tell that something was different soon after he saw her. He knew that something about her had changed.

She just wasn't the same.

But what did he care? What could he have done, anyway? It was her life, and if she choose to be that way and be with that idiot, then so be it.

He knew that he should've been over it, he had said he was months before. But he knew from the minute the thought entered his mind that it was a lie. He would never truly be over it.

She was it for him. No matter what she did, she would always be it for him.

And he hoped that deep down, she knew that he really didn't believe all that he said about them not being right together. It was the farthest thing from what he really thought. He just had to force himself to believe that it was true because he didn't know what was left. And everyday, he had to deal with the consequences of what he had said.

He just hoped that the connection they had was still there. He hoped she knew.

But hope isn't always enough to satisfy a person. Sometimes you just need to know.

It took him awhile to realize that he was driving in the direction from which he came; he was going back to Stars Hollow. He hadn't even done what he had gone to do in the first place.

He drove along, wanting to get back to Stars Hollow, to get on with his life. He knew he needed to think it all out, but there was nothing he could do. The ball was in her court now.

* * *

As she silently watched him walk away, slam the door, and drive off without another word, it was like she was immobilized. She hadn't known what to do. His name was right there, it was one the tip of her tongue, but it just wouldn't come out.

Was that how he felt that night as he watched _her _walk away?

What he had said still echoed aimlessly in her mind.

_You've changed Lorelai, and I know that the real you is still there somewhere! _

Had she really changed that much? She had known that she wasn't the same person she was before, she knew that. As much as she wanted to believe she was still the strong woman she once was, that had disappeared as everything took it's toll on her. But did she really change so much that even after everything that had gone on, even Luke was able to notice?

Or maybe their closeness hadn't really gone away. That closeness that they'd had for such a long time, where they were able to tell when something was wrong and so much more. That's how he was able she had changed. Maybe that closeness had just faded away a little, but it was still in sight.

Did they still have that connection they once had?

She didn't know.

* * *

Just minutes after Luke left, Sookie had come back, only to have Lorelai tell her that the car was fixed. Well, miracle of all miracles, the place Sookie called had been closed anyway, so they were off the hook. But when Sookie asked Lorelai how the car got fixed, she just told her that she tried to start it up again and it worked. She didn't want to talk about anything with Luke just then. As much as she needed to sort that all out, she had to think about Christopher.

She couldn't go home. There was too much Christopher _and_ Luke. Half the time she was reminded of all the times Luke had come over and fixed things, and when they were remodeling it for when it would be _their_ house, and the other half she saw all the things that were moved around in odd places, and she was reminded that Christopher was there, that for the first time she was living with a man, that they were changing what had been her and Rory's house for so long. And they were changing it in all the wrong ways. But she didn't speak up. She gave in. And she hated it.

It was still mid-afternoon, so they both went back to the Inn. Sookie rushed into the kitchen having thought that she heard the word "fire!" (which had turned out to be someone yelping out in pain after dropping a pan on their foot), but Lorelai lingered outside a bit.

When Lorelai had gotten rid of all her stuff that reminded her of Luke, which, in effect, practically emptied her house, she had really tried to get rid of it all. She was going to drop it all off at the Salvation Army far away in Hartford, but Rory had volunteered to take it to the one in New Haven since she was on her way back to school. Actually, though, she never did make it there. Rory knew she couldn't let her mom just get rid off all that stuff for good, no matter how bad the break-up was. So instead of giving it all away, she had talked to Sookie and was able to stow it all in a tool shed near the horse stables at the Inn. Eventually Lorelai did stumble upon it all. She was angry that it all was still not gone, angry that Rory had said she'd get rid of it but she didn't, but Rory eventually convinced her that it was best to keep it all. Lorelai knew that she was being irrational when she threw it all out to begin with, she knew that is _was _best to keep it all. So she kept it there, but she hadn't been back in the shed since that day.

It was time to say hello to her stuff again.

She walked slowly, taking each step slowly as she began to walk on the grass that led to the shed. She took her time, mainly because she wanted to avoid going in there for as long as she could. Halfway there, she looked back at the Inn. They had it all decorated for Christmas this year, with point seta's everywhere, lights in the windows, red and gold ribbons thrown this way and that, and they even managed to get some lights on the outdoor trees. It really was beginning to look like Christmas.

She continued on walking. Christmas was a wonderful time, and even with her current dilemma, she was looking forward to it. But it still needed to snow. With everything else that was going on, she just felt that if it snowed it would make it better. She knew it wouldn't magically erase all her problems like some magic dust or a fairy or something, but snow was always a good sign. It always was.

All too soon, she realized she had made it to the shed.

Opening the door, she was greeted by piles of all her old belongings that she hadn't seen for months. She stood there for a minute, taking it all in. She found a place to sit down, and soon settled in with her thoughts.

She began to analyze everything with Christopher. Everything with Luke aside, she needed to figure out what had been asked of her earlier: was she really happy?

But the more she thought about it, the more insure she became of her and Christopher together. Yes, he had been acting like the perfect guy for awhile now. There shouldn't have been a reason for her to not be unhappy. But she still wasn't sure if he had _really_ changed or if it was just a charade.

All of a sudden, her mind flashed back to early June. The cotillion, the one her mother had done. That was when she did the whole thing of thinking, "Oh, what if I only like what I like because my mother doesn't like it?" Did she still believe that?

And then an idea came to her mind. Did she just use that whole thing as an excuse to try and be over Luke and more open to Christopher? Did she subconsciously think that she could try and make that the legit reason for dating Christopher so soon?

Was that the same thing Luke had done? Used something to try and force himself to believe that it wasn't right with them? Was that what caused him to say everything about them not being right?

But he wouldn't say something unless he meant it, right? But still… she had a feeling…

A noise from outside drew her out of her trance. It was then she became conscious of what she had been sitting on this whole time. One of Luke's blue flannel shirts.

She gathered it up, holding it gently in her hands, staring at it from above. She felt like crying, she felt like sobbing, but the tears just wouldn't come out. She was done crying. It was time to start trying to make things happen.

Was she happy? She still didn't know. It seemed like it was the age of Questions with Unknown Answers. But soon, she would finally figure out the answer to the biggest question of all.

* * *

_tbc_


	7. Let the Games End

**Author's Note: **Well, I was hoping to have this finished by Christmas, but obviously that's not going to happen, but I'm going to finish this anyways, and there's still quite a few chapters to go. Now this is POST 7.10, a few days after. So, Merry Christmas Eve (or Merry Christmas, depending where you are), and on with the show!

* * *

Only a few days had passed, but things were changing faster than normal. At least for Lorelai. Soon after that last wedding appointment with her mother, things were slowly yet smoothly going downhill. It seemed like she could never make him happy. Almost everything that they discussed, they disagreed on, and whenever she'd want to try and talk it out, he'd just storm off, leaving her standing there, wondering how everything could be going so wrong so fast.

She couldn't help but think that maybe he was getting some bad vibes from her. That maybe, after what happened with Luke, he could just tell that something was up, and he didn't like it. She had already been doubting her marriage before, and every situation, every argument, every time he ran off, it just gave her more reason to. Their problems hadn't just started, they had been going on for a long time. From the minute he showed up on her doorstep for their "first" date, those little things happened that made that red flag go up in her head, but she ignored it. She felt there was nothing else she could do.

But she had made the decision that she wouldn't even think about the "Luke" situation until she dealt with the "Christopher" situation. She made the choice that she really needed to make an effort with her current marriage instead of just letting it all go downhill. After all, nobody likes to break up during the holidays.

She was never far from Luke's thoughts, though. How could she not be? All the holly-jolliness going around, the decorations everywhere, the people constantly talking about what happened at the Christmas party and who kissed who under the mistletoe, the whole season was just so Lorelai. But even he had noticed there was no snow. That situation had gone from a little odd to really out-of-the-ordinary to simply confusing. There was a little over a week and a half till Christmas, and not a single flake of snow had fallen. Taylor had blamed it on global warming and had tried to start a "Car-free Stars Hollow" campaign to try and reduce the pollution so it might snow, but of course the townies quickly shot it down, like most of Taylor's other ideas. Yes, everything was normal in Stars Hollow. Well, almost.

It wasn't so much their argument he thought about when he was reminded of her. What he couldn't help but wonder was that maybe she really _was _happy with that guy. He kept telling himself to move on, that she was married now, whether she was happy with it or not, whether _he_ was happy with it or not.

But still, he figured that things couldn't be going too great with them. What else could have made Christopher so angry that he wanted to punch him? The morning after the fight, the town had woken up to all the wrecked Christmas decorations battered and strewn across the town square, but surprisingly, nobody had seen or heard the fight. Luke hadn't really wanted to fight him, but hell, Christopher had taken the first punch, and he wasn't about to let the opportunity to kick his ass pass by. But he wondered if he had told Lorelai about it.

He hadn't. Even Christopher knew that he didn't need any more problems with Lorelai than he already had.

* * *

More time passed. As the days went on, the Christmas rush grew intensely. People were running around, buying last-minute gifts for this person and that person, mailmen's bags were reaching a size similar to Santa's bag of toys as all the holiday cards and packages were mailed. Everything was in order.

And the Christmas rush wasn't the only thing that had increased. While the holidays do stress some people out, in general they're supposed to make things more relaxed in the least, right? But Lorelai and Christopher's relationship seemed to get worse by the hour, even with all the holiday cheer going around.

She had begun to notice something. Back in the beginning of their relationship, he had appeared to be the perfect man. It seemed like he had really changed that time. But after they had begun to get settled into their "married" life, he started acting more and more like the Christopher she remembered. The immature one, the stubborn one, the one that she had gotten into so many fights with in the past, only to leave her in tears and him gone. He couldn't understand that there were certain things in her life that she simply couldn't change. He just wouldn't listen. Sure, she understood that she had to make some sacrifices for it to work, but now he barely left her the chance to even make a suggestion. Every fight, every time he left her hurt and confused, it wore down on her that much more. Everything, from the little things in the start to their major arguments they were having all the time now, it was all wearing down on her. She was no longer doubting their relationship. She was sure it was wrong.

And the next day, she had had it.

This time, it was an argument about the Winter Carnival, which was on Christmas Eve that year. She didn't want anyone thinking that she was avoiding it because of what happened the year before, especially Luke. Plus, she wanted another chance for all her townie friends to get to know Christopher. But apparently, he wasn't up to it.

"Why don't you want to go?"

"Because I don't."

She wasn't about to let it go though. She had been doing that with too many other things.

"Well, I can't just run a booth by myself! It's already bad enough with Rory not here for Christmas, and the fact is we need a little bit of spirit around here!"

"Hey, there's other ways to get holiday spirit! Our holiday happiness doesn't really depend on this, now does it?"

"Chris, come on, I know it doesn't, but this is something I really want to do."

"Can't you get someone else to do it with you? I mean, what about Sookie?"

"She has her kids to take around to everything." Lorelai knew it probably hadn't been the smartest thing to mention kids with him, but it was too late.

"Oh yeah. Her kids. Well, how about that French guy you work with?"

"Michel? Please, that's the last thing he'd want to do. Besides, there's a Sheryl Crow concert on TV that night."

"I thought he was into Celine Dion?"

"Well, yes, but a man can have choices."

"Ah. Okay then. Well, isn't there anyone else."

"No, Chris. Please? Just this one thing to make me happy."

"Oh, so you weren't happy before?"

"You know what I mean."

"Actually, no, I don't!"

"You know what? Fine. We won't have a booth. Will you at least go with me? We can walk around, hopefully there'll be snow by then, it'll be all pretty-"

"Yeah, pretty cold. I don't get all head-over-heels about snow like you do, Lor, you know that."

"Well, still, it'll be fun. I promise."

Chris got up from the table, where they had been eating dinner. "Uh-huh, sure. Walking around in freezing cold weather, the smell of processed corn dogs all around, the sound of all those annoying Christmas songs being played badly by the community band, all your friends whispering about me when I'm not looking, oh yeah, that sounds like MAJOR fun."

"It's not like that. Jeez, Christopher, why can't you just do this one thing?"

"Because, I don't want to! I don't want to waste all that time, especially when we can be having a better time somewhere else!"

"It's just one night, Christopher!"

"Oh, well, why should I have to make that sacrifice when you don't make any?"

"Wow, are you serious!?"

"Yes! Everything we do, you don't want to do, or you want it to be done differently, and you never just let it go!"

"Hey, I know I was like that at first, but I apologized and I've been making sacrifice after sacrifice since!"

"Oh sure Lor!"

"Christopher, don't be like that!"

"You know what? I'm leaving."

He grabbed his jacket that was in the counter and was halfway out the door when Lorelai spoke up. She wasn't going to let him leave again.

"No! Christopher, you will stay here and we will talk this out until it's done!" She was pretty sure the whole neighborhood could hear her then, but she didn't care. It was all or nothing.

He was absolutely shocked by the bossy, stern, angry tone in her voice as she screamed at him. He wasn't used to that at all.

"God, Lor, calm down!"

"Don't tell me to calm down! I am so sick of us fighting all the time and then you just leaving, not even giving me a chance to say a word of what I have to say!"

"You've got to be kidding me! I leave only when I've heard enough of your crap!"

"Are you serious!? I'm only able to get two words in half the time before you get all 'Boo-hoo, poor me' and refuse to talk about anything!"

"Well, it doesn't matter what I say anyways!"

"Now what's that supposed to mean!?"

"You always get your way! I just make it that much easier by not talking!"

"Please! The only time I get my way is when you actually listen to what I say, so obviously not very often!"

"Lor, I listen way more than you think! But I've made so many changes in my life for you, and I just can't see why you won't do the same for me!"

"Chris, I've made changes when I could! There are some things I just can't change, and you just don't seem to get that!"

"You know what, you're right, I don't!"

They stopped yelling, but the silence lasted for only a second.

"You know what Lor, let's just forget it! Go to your carnival without me, please, maybe you'll 'accidentally' run into Luke again. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Oh my god, Christopher! I can't believe you're still mad about that! I said it then and I'll say again now: there is nothing going on with us! You don't get to tell me who I talk to and who I don't!"

She had no idea where all this was coming from. Never in a million years would she of thought to let all this out on him, now of all times. But either way, she was there, possibly throwing her marriage out the window.

"Do you think I'm stupid? I could tell there was something going on with you two!"

"You have absolutely no reason to doubt me, Chris!"

"Really?"

"Really! What reasons could you possibly have to doubt me?"

"Well, let's see. First, you get all freaked out about having kids with the man you're married to! Yeah, I think that's a bit odd."

She was about to object, but he continued.

"Then, you don't want to exchange vows at the party that's supposed to be a celebration of your marriage!"

"Why are you bringing al this up! We already discussed it all!"

"Really!? Well, I don't remember it being settled at all!"

"That's because you never talk to me anymore!"

"And we're back again to the same thing!"

There was yet another silence. Both stood there, staring at each other, exhausted from screaming so much.

Lorelai couldn't do it anymore. The fact of the matter was, the second she began to doubt their relationship, it was over. The second you think "but…?" in a partnership, you know it's not right. You just may not want to admit it. She hadn't wanted to. So she had gone on, thinking she was happy, pretending she was happy, so that that she had not only fooled everyone around her into thinking she really was okay and happy, but she had fooled herself.

This was it. It was all or nothing.

"Why do we fight all the time?"

"You know what? I don't really know Lor. I just want the truth from you."

She could have just lied. She could have just said that he was reading way too much into it all and that everything was okay, that everything would be okay. She could have just hugged him and everything would be all nice again, and she would continue on pretending, trying to figure out if she was happy or not for the rest of her life.

Or she could have at least told him that everything was fine and then drop the bomb after Christmas.

But she didn't do any of that. What she did was irrational, unpractical, and could have possibly been the worst mistake of her life.

But she did it anyway.

"Chris… I- I can't do this anymore."

All expression just flew off of his face. He knew what she meant, but in an almost inaudible voice, he replied, "Wait. Lor, what do you mean?"

"I mean it's over. I'm just so sick of this."

"Sick of what, Lor? I thought you loved me."

She caught herself before she could say, "But I do love you." She had forced herself to say it so much, that it eventually was like she was on autopilot, unable to show any other reaction.

"I- I don't think I ever really did, Chris. I mean, yeah, when we were kids, but now… it's just gone. It's been gone for such a long time. I just… I forced myself to believe it was still there. I-"

"You were pretending."

Some other than the voice in her head had finally said it.

"Yeah, I- I think I was. Look, Chris, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. It's just not going to work with us. We-"

"No, Lor, don't. I don't want to know why. Because, the way I see it, there really is no reason why this couldn't work, because it could have. But it doesn't matter. I just- I really wish you had mentioned this before."

"Yeah, I know." She was near tears, but she didn't really feel the need to cry. It was mostly because she was so disgusted with herself. She was tired of hurting people like she had been.

"I mean, it's three weeks until our wedding."

"I know, and don't worry, I'll take care of everything, even my mother."

"Whatever. You know, I'm just going to spend the night at a hotel or something, I need time to clear my head."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll come by tomorrow and get all my stuff. Now I guess it's a good thing I didn't sell my old house, huh."

"Chris-"

"No, Lor, I don't want to talk to you right now, okay?" he told her, his voice trembling more and more with each word.

He went upstairs and grabbed some of his stuff before going back downstairs, slamming the door, and driving off into the night, while the whole time she was just standing there, not able to move, not able to say a word.

It had been that darn holiday magic. She would never have ever just let the bomb drop on him like that, so sudden, so quick. Who knows, things might have gotten better if she had given it time. Or it might have just gotten worse. But she took the risk. It had all been inside of her this whole time, just waiting to come out, and the magic had just given it that little extra push.

But it also might have been that magic that had made him take it like that. It was the magic that had made him be as calm as he was, considering the circumstances. He wouldn't have taken it like that normally.

Of course, this wasn't going through her mind at the time. Right then, she was thinking that she had just completely thrown her marriage away. But she was glad she had done it.

She had finally realized just how unhappy she had been.

She didn't break down. She didn't fall into a sobbing mess onto the floor, she didn't yell or cry or over-analyze all that had just happened. Instead, she just went to bed, her empty bed. She was going to think about things. She'd think a little about what had gone wrong, a little about that last argument, and a lot about what was next in her life. She was moving on.

The old Lorelai was back, and boy, did it feel good.

* * *

_tbc_


	8. Where To Go, What To Do?

**Author's Note: **Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I've been getting really stuck on what to do, but I hope this is good. Read away!

* * *

It was the next morning. She was peacefully asleep, until her alarm went off, blaring loudly. No matter how much sleep she got, that sound would never be even halfway okay with her. Making a loud grunting noise, she slammed her hand down on top of the clock, finally killing the sound.

She laid in bed for a minute, and she realized there was nobody lying beside her. The reality of what had happened the night before sunk in even further.

The light from the sun came pouring in through her window, and the warmth felt nice on her face.

Wait, sun? Ugh, that wasn't a good thing. There was still no snow. It was barely a week until Christmas, for Pete's sake!

She rolled over on her stomach and laid her head on her arms. She didn't regret what she had done. She knew that she might regret it later, but right then, she was happy with what she had done. And she was happy he didn't throw a fit like she thought he would. With the way Christopher was, that argument could have gone on all night. It had been a miracle.

She slowly got out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she opened walked out into the hallway and made her way down the stairs.

She needed coffee. It was an automatic morning reaction for her, even though she had began to drink it less and less because every kind she tried still didn't compare to Luke's.

Luke's. Maybe she should go to Luke's.

No. She couldn't. It was too early, too soon. Everything had just happened. She couldn't deal with that right then.

Besides, as she remembered her last fight with Luke, she still hadn't figured out how she was going to make things right with him. Or when she was going to make things right with him.

As much as she wanted to go and talk it all out with him, she couldn't bear the thought of taking the risk of trying and just making it even worse.

She tried to remember the what he had last said.

_I guess you've just became a different person. And no matter what you say, you've changed Lorelai, and I know that the real you is still there somewhere! _

Well, that part stuck out in her mind more than anything else. He was the first person to actually say something to her about how she had changed. But that was all different now.

What else had he said, after that?

_But just think about this: I would never do something like that to you. Never!_

It came back like a slap in the face. She had asked him why he didn't come after her that night, and he had said what she had known all along. That he didn't think she'd go off and sleep with Christopher right after their argument. That he thought she had just needed some time to cool down.

She would never be able to figure out why she had gone and did what she did. Sure, she could redundantly say that she was hurt and alone and just needed to "be" with someone after what had happened, but that was still no excuse, and she knew it. There was no excuse.

* * *

It was morning, the diner's busiest time of day, and Luke was, of all things, trying to eavesdrop on Babette and Miss Patty.

He had caught little pieces of Babette telling Miss Patty about what he thought was a fight that Lorelai and Christopher had that Babette had overheard last night. And, for once, Babette was talking incredibly quietly, probably because she figured it was best to not mention anything about those two around him. She didn't know the half of it.

As much as all the practicality and sense in his head was telling him that he shouldn't eavesdrop, that it didn't matter, that it was her business what went on in her life now, but he blocked all of it out. He began brainstorming ways he could go over there and listen in when down the counter he could make out Kirk say something about Christopher to Andrew. Luke stood there silently, not want to miss anything.

"He just left?" Andrew asked.

"That's what Miss Patty told me earlier this morning."

"Wow."

"Yep. She finally just told him that it wasn't going to work out."

"What, she said it just randomly out of the blue?"

"Well, not exactly. Babette had heard the end of an argument they were having about the carnival. Apparently he didn't want to go with her, and she wasn't too happy about it."

"Huh. They've only been engaged a couple months."

"Yes, but I'm not surprised. As much as she said it, I, for one, never figured she was really over… oh- well, hello there, Luke!"

Luke had walked over, not quite sure how much more he wanted to hear.

"Hey, you guys need more coffee?"

"Oh no, we're good."

"Yeah, good."

They both responded very awkwardly, just like he had expected them to.

"Okay then."

He put the pot down and made he began to make his way over to the cash register where Babette and Miss Patty were waiting.

Hm. Maybe this was a chance for more information.

He quickly turned back around, pretending to be messing with the coffee maker while he strained to hear what they were saying.

"So, did she say exactly why?"

"Well, she had asked why they were fightin' all the time, and I was thinking just the same thing actually. I mean, those two had been goin' at it almost every night for weeks now, and not in the good way either."

"He he, boy, do I know what you mean."

"Anyways, she called him out on always leavin' whenever they were arguin', and how she'd never get a chance to say what she wanted. But then he stared yammerin' about how it doesn't matter because she never listens to him anyways."

"Well, that doesn't sound like Lorelai."

"I know, but really, who knows with the way she's been these days."

So he wasn't the only one who thought she changed.

"Anyway, so tell me, is it absolutely over or not?"

He wasn't sure if he'd be able to take the answer.

"Well, by what Lorelai said, she sounded pretty damn sure."

Well, maybe he'd be okay.

He stopped snooping and went over to help Babette and Patty then. He heard all he had needed to.

* * *

The afternoon was approaching, and she was still doing had what she had been doing all morning, lounging around the house, flipping through the TV channels, skimming though all her magazines. She had called Sookie at the Inn and said she'd be coming in sometime around mid-afternoon soon after she woke but didn't offer an explanation. She needed this alone time.

It dawned on her that she hadn't been _really_ alone for a long time. She sat on the couch, hugging her knees that were drawn up to her chest, trying to make a decision.

Christopher would be back within the next hour, he had said when he called earlier that morning. It had been a short conversation, if you could even call it that, with a curt "hello" and "goodbye" as an added bonus. She knew that she couldn't be there when he came, what had happened the night before was still too recent, too paramount to anything else at the time. She didn't want to risk another argument with him, which was almost guaranteed to take place if she didn't hightail it out of there before he arrived.

Well, Rory, was with Logan, besides, she didn't want to deal with the task of telling her about the split quite yet. She couldn't go to the Inn or just walk around town, either. She knew that half the block, if not the whole town had heard the argument last night, and if they didn't hear it last night, they probably heard about it that morning. She would be bombarded with questions, or people would just be whispering about it behind her back, neither of which she wanted to deal with.

She expected there to be some aftermath of all the emotional agony and pretending and everything she had been through for almost a year by then, some of it self-inflicted, some not, but was surprised how simply exhausted she was from it all. Even after her rediscovery of her old, real self, she simply couldn't find the energy to deal with everything that she knew would come after finally breaking free. She knew she would have to tell Rory, and she didn't know how that would go, she had to tell her parents, and she knew that would be a disastrous nightmare. There was so much to be done to start over, but she couldn't muster up the strength to do it yet.

And then a thought crossed her mind. Maybe she didn't want to deal with it, only because she was afraid of getting hurt again and having to go through what she did before.

Maybe it was just fear.

_No_, she thought. She wasn't about to do that to herself. She was strong now, she needed to be strong now, or else she would never figure out what to do next.

She had yet to figure out where she was going to go. She took a glimpse at the clock. There was about a half hour until Christopher was supposed to get there.

She sighed. She was so confused. Everything that was going on, she wasn't even sure what she thought anymore. She needed to talk. She needed to talk to someone who would listen but not judge. Someone she could get her feelings out to. Someone like…

Crap.

Luke.

He had always been there for her. He had said so. So why did she feel so hesitant to go to him now?

_Because you cheated on him and he doesn't love you anymore, you idiot, _she thought.

Oh yeah.

The way she saw it, she had two choices. She could either take the risk, not knowing when she'd ever get a chance to talk to him, yet alone even really see him again, go to Luke's, and see what happened. Or, she could chicken out.

Nope. That wasn't part of the game plan.

She went upstairs to get ready, and within five minutes was downstairs again, putting on her shoes and grabbing her keys as she headed out the door.

Crazy, right? Just deciding to up and go to the place you had grown to need and love over the years, the place that you hadn't been in for several months now, the place with your ex-fiancé who, just awhile ago, had stormed off and drove away from you, leaving you speechless? Well, we'll just see about that.

* * *

The diner was completely empty, which was odd for a weekday afternoon. Luke had to suddenly close because he got a call from his lawyer. Apparently, the dreaded meeting that Luke and his lawyer had with Anna and her lawyer to go over the final paperwork and to clear up anything else before the new year had been moved up to that day. Anna's lawyer's mother had broken her left leg and both arms in some sort of community center car collision, and Anna's lawyer had to fly out to her to take care of her over Christmas that evening.

But Luke had no car.

Minutes before the call came, Liz had stopped by and asked if she could borrow his truck to go out to Hartford to do some shopping while TJ took the baby to some daddy-daughter class, and Luke had obliged. Now he had to be in Hartford in an hour, and he had no way to get there.

He looked out the window of the diner. The streets were almost deserted. What was that all about?

Oh yeah, he remembered. The town was having a special lunch meeting to plan and prepare for the Winter Carnival. He couldn't go ask someone if he could borrow their car there, or else he'd end up getting roped into doing a million different things for the carnival, especially since they were short on people that year.

And then the thought slipped into his mind. He could call Lorelai. After what he had heard that morning, he figured she wasn't really involving herself in the carnival that year. He could…

But what if it was too weird? Yes, they had been able to be friendly to each other since the fight, but that was only for short spurts of time, and they were in public, so they had to be polite to each other.

But still, he wanted to talk to her about the fight. He wanted to understand what was going on. But what if it just ended like last time?

Either way, he needed a car, he knew that much. And who knew, maybe this would be another chance, another chance to really try and make things remotely right with her. He knew for sure he didn't want things to keep going like they were, and well, now with Christopher gone…

He didn't know what he wanted.

No, that was a lie. He knew what he wanted. He wanted her. He wanted her back again. He wanted to be able to wake up to her next to him every morning, to be able to kiss her, to look at her, to just be with her. He wanted the person he missed most in his life back, he wanted to feel the wonderful feeling he always got when he was with her. If anything was right, it was him and her, and he knew that. He just seldom let himself admit it, now after all that had happened. Who knew what she was thinking-

That was it. Who knew what she was thinking? He wanted to know. He knew damn well what he wanted, but hell, she could be happy as a lark without him.

Then again, the last few times they had seen each other, he had gotten that vibe, that feeling, that she felt the same way. That she wanted him back too. Maybe.

He just… he wanted things to be better. And this was yet another chance to make it that way.

Without any more thinking, facing the wall, his arm resting awkwardly on the counter, he picked up the phone and dialed her cell phone number, surprised that he still knew it by heart. Soon after the first ring, he heard the little bell above the diner door chime, along with the little happy-beeping ring tone he remembered oh-so-well.

* * *

_tbc_


	9. For the Tiniest Moment it's All Not True

**Author's Note: **Okay, I know I'm taking too long to update, but I'm not feeling very confidant in my writing quality right now, and I'm taking extra time to go over it before I post. Anyway, hope this chapter's worth the wait!

* * *

He turned around and saw her slowly walk through the door. He simply couldn't believe it.

The sound of the ringtone continued on, echoing off the walls of the empty diner, and he hung up the phone as she began scrambling through her purse to find her ringing phone.

She grabbed hold of her phone right as it stopped ringing. She checked to see who it was, and when she saw the name of who it had been, she was just as astounded as he was.

He turned back around to see her standing there, facing him, right in front of the door.

"Lorelai," he said, his facial expression in a mixture of awe and shock.

"Hey, Luke." she paused, looking at him, trying to see if she could read what he was thinking. She looked around. "Wow, what happened here? Did Kirk streak through the diner naked or something?"

"What? Oh, no. I, um, see… Anna's lawyer has to go out of town, and I have to go to a last minute meeting before he leaves, and I just got the call a little while ago, so I had to close up."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well, I would have kept it open, but Lane had a pregnancy appointment thing, so she's… yeah," Luke continued awkwardly.

"Well, okay then." As much as she fought it, she couldn't help but feel saddened. How could her timing have been so bad? "So, I guess you need to leave then, huh?"

"Yeah. Actually, um, I kinda need a favor. See, I let Liz borrow my truck since I didn't know I'd have to go somewhere, so…"

"You need to borrow my car?"

"Yeah."

"Oh well, sure, no problem," she said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice as she began to jumble through her purse, trying to find her keys.

He watched her, trying to search for what she was feeling. Lorelai Gilmore was a complex creature. What she didn't say in words, she said in her body language, her facial expressions. Even the tiniest mannerism for her could mean something. And after the many past years, Luke had become fluent in her language.

He could tell something was up.

She walked over and handed him her keys.

"Here you go. Bring it back anytime, I'm not going anywhere today," she said.

"Okay, thanks," he responded, reluctantly.

She made her way to the door, pretending she was in a hurry but really waiting for him to say something. Anything.

He knew he just couldn't let her leave. She had come for a reason. He didn't know why, he didn't even know if her was right, but that feeling in his gut was telling him that she needed him right then. That she had come for a reason.

"Lorelai-"

"Yeah, Luke?"

"Well, if you want…" He was going out on a limb, he knew that. He would never normally take this risk, especially with someone who had broken his heart. But he did it anyway. "… why don't you come with me?" Before she could get in a word, he continued, "The meeting won't take long, it's just an end-of-the-year, go-over-the-terms thing so we can for it before the trial in January. And there's this little boutique across the street from the office that I think you'll like," he said with a little smile. He knew shopping would always be her weakness, no matter what.

He knew. She knew that he must of known about hers and Christopher's split. And well, she did need to get away. And, it might be nice to talk to him again…

And she'd get to shop. She couldn't ask for a better deal.

"Um… yeah. Okay, sure," she said, sounding more certain with each word.

"Okay then. Let's go."

She let him go out first while she lingered around for a second. She couldn't believe how nonchalant her first entrance back to the diner had been. She had had a few vague daydreams, mostly near the end with Christopher, of what it would be like when she eventually went back to the diner. How big a moment it would be, how breathtaking it would be to finally be back to the place that had been a sanctuary for years. And yet, when it actually happened, there was nothing. It was just like another Lorelai's-in-pain-and-needs-coffee entrance. As she began to walk out the door, not having her first-entrance-back-into-the-diner moment till then, she finally realized why it hadn't been as big as she thought it would. She had been looking at him the whole time. Not the counter, not the tables, not the coffee maker, not the place she had come to know and loved. She had been staring at him and nothing else.

Him and nothing else.

She continued to walk out of the diner, backwards, though, taking in every last breath of her "moment," when she went too far, and ran into Luke, who had been waiting for her right outside.

"Hey, be careful now, it'll still be there when we get back," he said with one of his charming, warm smiles that brought back so many memories in an instant.

She just smiled back. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

Ten minutes had passed, and you could cut the awkwardness with a knife. Things started out okay, but after awhile, they both knew what was happening. He knew there was something was bothering her, but she would say a word.

The voice in her head was telling her to say something.

_Come on, tell him what's wrong! He'll understand!_

Now, she knew that was true. Maybe. Well, after all that happened, how could she be really sure?

_Just say it! Don't be a coward, you chicken! Bawk, bawk, bawk!!!_

She let out a small, almost inaudible sigh. There was nothing else she could do. If she didn't tell him what was wrong, this whole thing would be a complete bust.

_Now, you can do it. Okay, Lorelai, on the count of three. One, two…_

"Luke?"

"Yeah?" He was _so_ relieved she finally said something.

"I need to… to tell you something."

"Okay, what?"

"Christopher and I… are done."

"Done?"

"Done."

"Done, as in…?"

"Do you really need me to spell it out?" she snapped.

"No, no," he stopped her before it went to far. "So… well…" What could he say? That he was sorry? Yeah, right. Both of them, along with everyone else involved knew that he wasn't sorry.

She knew. "It's okay," she said as she looked over at him.

She looked straight in. It was the first time she had looked him right in the eyes, the first time she gazed into his deep inside of them since they broke up.

And he couldn't help but look back. It was an automatic reaction, her bright blue eyes, so beautiful and full of life, just drew him in. But he didn't know that she was just as memorized he was.

It was still there.

Something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye.

"Luke, the road!"

"Wha-?" He had almost been driving completely on the side of the road. And a tree was just a little ways away.

He swerved back onto the road with plenty of time to spare. But just the scare was enough for him to keep his eyes on the road for the rest of the ride.

She stared out the window for a moment. What had just happened? It brought back a feeling, what feeling she couldn't remember, she could barely remember feeling it before…

"Lorelai?" He had been mentally talking to the voice in his head, and knew he needed to ask her something.

"Yeah?"

"Do you... do you need to talk about it?"

Wow. She found it a bit odd for him to actually ask for her to spill out all her crazy emotions to him. Yes, this was exactly what she had wanted, what she had gone to him for, but she never actually expected _him_ to bring it up.

"Uh... well..."

Another relationship failed. Another one gone. The longer she went without things feeling right, the more certain she was in her feeling that she would end up alone.

Alone. It was her biggest fear. To not be with the one. To never obtain the one things she wanted more than anything, although she'd never let herself admit it. For the one to not forgive her for all the unforgivable mistakes she made.

Just the thought...

Her eyes began to well up, full of tears ready to fall at a moment's notice.

"Lorelai, it's okay, I was maki-"

"No, Luke."

He paused, waiting for her to continue.

She took in a sharp breath before starting, "I just... from the beginning, I think I subconsciously knew that it's wouldn't work out in the end. But I felt like it _had _to work, you know? Like there was nothing else. So I kind of... forced myself, I guess, into believing it was true. That maybe everything was fine and right. I sort of..."

"You were pretending," he interrupted, still looking straight forward.

She looked at him. "Yeah. Exactly. And..." She had thought this would be hard, opening up to Luke after all that had happened, and about her breakup with Christopher of all things, but it wasn't. She was, in fact, pretty darn comfortable with it. Luke she'd always been. "... and I just hate that I did that."

"Well, of course. Anyone would, really."

"Yeah, I guess that's true. But Luke, I thought you should know. I came to the diner today because Christopher was coming over to..."

"... get all his stuff, right? And you couldn't be there while he was?"

"Um, okay, what's with the taking-the-words-out-of-my-mouth thingy for you today?"

"Sorry, sorry," he said with a small grin.

The last puzzle piece fell into place in Lorelai's mind, and she went along with her hunch.

"You already knew, didn't you?"

"Knew what?"

"About me and Christopher?"

"I might have heard a thing or two..."

"Oh, man, you have got to be kidding. We've been in this car this whole time, me taking forever trying to convince myself to tell you about it, and you knew!?"

"Well, let's just say I have excellent hearing."

She fake-gasped. "You heard from Babette, didn't you? What, was she being extra loud so she could let you know without telling you directly? Or was she being extra quiet so you'd know something was up?"

"The latter, surprisingly."

"No way, she almost never uses that one!"

Of course, Lorelai had distracted Luke once again, and he wasn't paying enough attention to the road. He looked back to the road and swerved back on to it, yet again, in a spilt second. This time, though, Lorelai hadn't noticed that they were off-road, and her body flew a bit forward, her left arm lightly hitting the dashboard, but just in the right spot to really hurt. She let out a small yelp, and within a millisecond, Luke responded.

"Lorelai, are you okay?! Man, this is the second time I've done this today! I- "

"Luke, I'm fine, I just hit my arm."

"Well, are you sure? You might have hit it wrong and hurt something," and like he was on autopilot, trying to keep his eye on the road at the same time, he reached over and softly, gently rubbed her arm right where it had been hit.

It felt like a wave running through her body when he touched her. Even the tiniest touch by him created something in her.

He caught on to what she was feeling, and he left his hand there a while longer than normal, letting his hand glide delicately down her arm, almost to her hand, before pulling away.

She had been watching his hand, then swiftly looked away once he pulled back. She looked back up at him, and he was staring right back at her. Her first thought was that he was, yet _again_, about to drive off of the road. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw that they were at a stoplight.

Perfect timing.

Sometimes, things have to start small. Just a simple touch, a simple look, and a little magic can begin what had been lost all over again.

* * *

_tbc_


	10. Confronting the Truth

**Author's Note:** I haven't forgotten about this, don't worry. I've just been very busy. **EDIT:** Thank you to all who told me about the car situation, I feel so stupid! That's what I get for not having a beta I guess, lol.

* * *

"Whoa! Lorelai, what's with this, did you buy out the entire store?" 

Lorelai had been leaning on her Jeep that was parked in front of the boutique across the street from Luke's lawyer's office as he walked over.

"Well, no, but I got pretty darn close, I think. Oh, maybe I should go back and finish up..."

"Lorelai..."

"But it'd be a clean sweep! Besides, they'd have a lot more room for new stuff!"

"Lorelai, just get in the car."

She giggled as she followed his instructions and got in the car after putting her multitude of shopping bags in the back.

It had gotten much colder from when they first got there to when they left. A slight breeze had picked up, and she was relived to get inside the warm truck.

Luke got in the other side, shut the door, and started up the car. "So, uh, do you think Christopher will be..."

"Yeah, he should be gone by now."

"Okay then," he responded as he drove off.

Like before, they were on a busy highway, and neither wanted to risk getting in an accident again, so the ride was pretty quiet. Not an awkward quiet, but a comfortable quiet. A good quiet.

Of course, that quiet came with a price. They both began to think, and well, considering the current setting and situation, it wasn't a big surprise that they were thinking about... them.

The memories, good and bad. What had gone wrong. What could have been different. What was happening then. What to do. What would be next.

It was all things that neither of them had let themselves think about for months. Things that they were suddenly letting themselves think for no apparent reason. Other than the fact that it was time. It was time, and they were there.

Of course, they weren't thinking about the exact same thing. She was lost in a trance about when Luke's uncle died (which was random, she knew), and he was thinking about... well, something slightly different. He was, yet again, trying to figure out what went wrong in the end.

Okay, it was a bit more than _slightly_ different.

What he still couldn't fathom about it all was _why _it happened when it did. He couldn't understand what could have happened to make her come to the diner like she had and given him that ultimatum.

And why hadn't she said anything before? Sure, she had said maybe one thing at some point, but all the feelings and thoughts the came out from within her that night was a hell of a lot more than what a small comment could get across.

the more he thought about it, the angrier he got. If she hadn't gone so long without saying anything, it probably would never have gotten that far.

Every sensible sense he had was telling him to keep quiet, that things were good right then, that he shouldn't say something about it to her and screw it all up. But the only thing he could focus on at the very moment was getting rid of the gnawing feeling, the one that had been there since that one night, the feeling that made him need to know exactly what went wrong, exactly what he done to cause it.

Exactly what had caused him to lose her.

And the next thing he knew, before his practical conscience could stop him, he felt the words finally escaping from his lips.

"Why?"

Lorelai was abruptly taken out of her thoughts. "Huh?"

He had been too vague, he figured out. "I mean, what caused you to... to go off like you did?"

"Oh. Um... Do you mean..."

"Yeah," he said, quickly glancing at her before getting his eyes back on the road.

She let out a long, soft sigh. She knew this would come eventually, whether it had come two days, two years, or two decades from then. And she knew that no matter how long time passed by before it came, she would never be ready.

But she knew it would come. Ready or not.

"I..." She let out another sigh. "I had just been keeping a lot of it in for awhile." She didn't want to get into the details that would eventually lead to Christopher, and then the shrink.

"But I just don't get it. Why did you keep it all in? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"What, did you not trust me?" He was beginning to get angry. He had gone months not truly understanding what had gone wrong, and he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to know. Now.

"No, Luke, that wasn't it."

"Then why didn't you tell me?!"

"I really don't know, okay?!" She was getting close to yelling, and she didn't want that. She wouldn't be able to take another fight with him. "I don't have any justifications as to why I never said anything. I have been mad at myself again and again for not saying what was wrong, for not saying why I was acting the way I was. I guess... I guess I just thought that it would seem stupid. Like 'Oh, selfish little Lorelai is feeling bad because her wedding's been postponed, and she doesn't agree with not being able to see her fiancé's kid, and he doesn't even notice, and all she wants is to just be married already and have things back to normal.' I didn't want to seem that way."

"Lorelai, it wouldn't have been that way. I..."

"No, it would have. Because I was thinking that. I was being selfish and feeling all this pity for myself that I didn't deserve to feel. But I kept it inside. And then I cracked, and I screwed it up," she said, wincing. "Screwed" wasn't the smartest thing to have said just then, considering what had happened next in that time sequence she was talking about. "And what else I did... that _really_ has no justification. It was pure stupidity. I just didn't see it then. I didn't see any of this really, until now."

"Lorelai, it's-"

"And I don't expect you to forgive me."

As she said her last sentence, she looked over at him, and left her gaze there. He pulled over to the side of the road, just a couple minutes from Stars Hollow, and look straight back.

The sparks, they were there yet again.

"Do you want me to forgive you?"

"Luke, of course I do. But I... I don't deserve to get forgiven."

"It doesn't matter. I forgive you."

"Luke-"

"It's partially my fault too, you know," he said as he started down the road again.

Wait. He was taking blame for what she did? She couldn't believe it, and neither could he. "If I hadn't been so damn blind to what you were going to, I could have gotten you to say something. If I tried hard enough."

_If he tried hard enough?_ she thought. _What's that supposed to mean? _

"I should have noticed. I should have put more effort into it. I just got so overwhelmed with April and everything."

"Yeah, well, I should have given you your space with that and not have pushed you so much," she said with a hint of distance in her voice. What did all this mean?

Luke pulled up to the diner. It was late afternoon, but there was no sign of a sunset, for the sky was filled with dark, grey clouds, swirling around with the slight breeze flowing through.

"Lorelai, I'm glad we were able to do this."

"Yeah. Me too. I'm glad things are..." she said, unsure of what to call how things were then.

"They are."

"What?"

"Things. They're okay."

Okay. Things were okay. She liked that. They were finally okay?

But what about nice? Why not good? Why not even fine? Did he still want things to be more than "okay?"

_He doesn't love you anymore_, she reminded herself yet again.

They both got out of the truck, Luke quickly walking to the other side to Lorelai.

She said something under her breath, although she meant to say it out loud. Luke thought he heard it, but wanted to be sure.

"Lorelai," he said as the wind blew above them, "what did you say?"

"What? Um, it was nothing. Really."

"Uh, okay then. Look. Why don't you c-"

"Luke," she said, starting to breath more heavily and she looked deep ion his eyes. "I have to go."

It was too much for her. She couldn't do this, not all at once, not now, when she thought that he didn't love her. That things weren't more than "okay."

She started to walk off, on her way home. The wind slowed down, but the clouds seemed to become even more dark.

He tried. He wanted things to be better. But she wasn't interested, he thought. He had blown it.

_She doesn't love you anymore, remember?_ he thought.

She was about ten feet away when it began to rain. It slowly it built up strength and got to a restrained downfall. Not pouring rain. And not snow. Still not snow.

He was about to tell her that she left her Jeep when, before he said a word, she turned around, her hair beginning to get damp, him still standing where she left him, and looked at him. Just looked, her eyes full of all the emotion and pain she hadn't let him know about before. It killed him inside to see her that way, and for there to be nothing he could do about it. All thoughts of the rain and her car left his mind, and he couldn't do anything but look back.

She turned back and continued to walk home when she felt the rain drops on her cheeks mix with her tears.

So many things left unsaid. So many tears yet to be shed.

Finally understanding what you've been wanting to understand for a long time can hurt. Once you see the truth, it can tear you up inside.

That look, her look, told him one sure thing. He knew that what he thought she said earlier was right.

_I wish we could go back, to the way things were, and that none of this ever happened. _

* * *

Don't hate me, don't hate me! There is a plan for all of this, just wait. I could use some reviews to encourage me, though :-)

_tbc_


	11. Healin' Those Holiday Blues

**Author's Note:** I'm still alive and writing, down worry. :D

* * *

He was awoken by a noise over by the front door. Sleepily, he got up, trying to figure out what was happening. With his eyes still closed, he stumbled over to the door when he ran into to someone. He grunted as he opened his eyes, but before he could open an eyelid, he knew who it was. 

"Lorelai? What the hell are you doing here _now_ of all times? Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah?" She breaks into his apartment in the middle of the night, and all he gets is a "yeah?" 

"Uh, okay. But why are you here?" 

"I need coffee." 

What? She wasn't making any sense. Well, the coffee part made sense. But why did she come in the middle of the night to get it? 

"What? Lorelai, did something happen?" 

"I didn't want to just walk away." 

He was becoming more frazzled and confused with every word that left her mouth. What on earth did she mean? He was used to her normal, perplexing randomness, but this went bit too far. 

"Lorelai, you're not making any sense. At all. Now come one, tell me what the hell is going on!" 

"For walking away earlier. I shouldn't have." 

Oh. Their fight. She had left. And she left her car, too, he randomly thought. He opened his mouth to tell her that he had the keys to her Jeep when she continued. 

"There was just so much left unsaid." 

He looked up at her. Everything other than her face was blurry. Her face was all he could focus on. 

"Yeah. There was." 

Silence. 

Neither spoke for a moment. He was unsure of what to do. 

"Well, what did you want to say? What was left unsaid?" 

He turned over suddenly and opened his eyes. 

It took him a second to realize what had happened. 

Crap. It had just been a dream. 

He slowly got out of bed to get a glass of water, taking some time to figure out what was going on. 

The day before... their fight... she left. Once again, she just left. And once again, he didn't stop her. 

_He didn't stop her._

The words of his thoughts echoed in his mind, over and over again. He grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and leaned against the edge of the counter, rubbing his hand on the back of his head. 

The same thing had happened the first time she left him wherever he was, standing and speechless. If felt like he was immobilized. He had tried to yell out "Lorelai, wait!" but the words just wouldn't come out. They right on the edge of his lips, just bursting to be said, but some odd, unnamed force stopped him. So, once again, he was left speechless. 

Just like last time. 

The worst part of it all, he figured as he made his way back to bed, having drunk his water quickly, was that he could never figure out exactly what went wrong. Exactly what had happened to make whatever fight it was as big as it was. It was the never ending confusion. 

But as he thought about it a bit more, what had happened became a bit more clear. All that had happened, how they had progressed... they were okay again. She wasn't avoiding him or being all weirded out whenever they got talking. They were friends. They were making progress, and it was a hell of a lot more progress than a few months before. 

But still... 

He felt stupid even thinking it. I mean, he didn't want to push his luck on this thing with him and Lorelai, but... he didn't want just okay. Maybe good... maybe nice... but definitely something more than okay. 

How could it be more than okay if I still don't forgive her? 

He remembered his thought from earlier that day. He said he forgave her. And in a way, he did. He had been hurt by what she did. Beyond hurt. He had been crushed inside. And as much as he wanted to hate her and as much he couldn't think of why she would do something so cruel, really deep inside, he knew that, in some odd, alternate way of thought, that there was some sort of explanation. He knew her. And he knew that often, when she did things that were wrong, she simply hadn't thought about it at all. There were many times where she would just block all her sense and emotions out. 

But why couldn't she have not done that, just that once? When she went to Christopher's house, why couldn't she have just said no? Why did she go there at all? 

He was confused. He was contradicting himself, and he didn't know which side was right. 

But he knew one thing, which he thought of before he slowly fell asleep. She had hurt him. Regardless of whatever reasoning there was, or what she was or wasn't thinking, she had crushed him. And he still wasn't sure of what he thought about, she had crushed him. And he was still trying to heal.

* * *

A random book went flying through the air. Next it was one of Rory's converse. Soon to follow the same air travel were a scarf, an extension cord, a fly swatter, some sort of odd, large, fuzzy picture frame, and the other one of Rory's converse. 

Lorelai took a step back from the closet, breathing heavily. It was only eight thirty in the morning, and she was already frazzled. But she wanted to find it before she had to go to the Inn, and her time was running short. 

She had just bought the damn thing a few days ago! How the hell could it be lost already?! 

She gave up her closet crawl and decided to try upstairs. She went to her room and looked around. A hint of blue underneath a blanket on a chair in the corner caught her eye. She walked over and pulled off the blanket. Yep, that was it. She picked it up and held it gently in her hands. She held it above her head and checked, for about the millionth time, if it was green on the inside like his old one was. 

She let a small smile escape as she set it on her dresser. She had bought it a few days ago when she was in the drugstore. It was on a display rack, along with random tans, grays, and greens. The one blue one caught her eyes. She had inspected every inch of it, and had declared it identical to the one she had given him many years before. 

Glancing at the clock, she realized she was even later than she had thought. She made a beeline for the shower. 

After a couple minutes, she stepped inside the shower and let the hot water splash against her face. 

She had always liked taking hot showers. The steam always seemed to clean her head, it seemed like it helped her think more clearly. 

There's wasn't much to clear up this time, though. She didn't know why she walked away the day before. It had all been too much, she had been overwhelmed with so many thoughts and emotions... she still couldn't deal with all that. She was still a bit weak. As much as she hated it, it was true. 

She stepped out of the shower and made her way quickly back to her room. She hurriedly got ready for work, throwing on one of the first things she saw, which she almost never did. But, there was no time. She had to leave. Now. 

Still in her room, grabbing everything she could to make herself look halfway decent, she caught another glance of the hat right before she left the room. When she bought it, she had planned to wait until Christmas to give it to him, but with the current conditions, she had something else in mind. 

She made her way downstairs, and frantically grabbing her purse, hse made her way out the door. She stepped on the porch and made it halfway down the steps before she stopped in her tracks, having looked up and found her car missing. 

"What the..." Oh, yeah. She remembered that she left her car at Luke's the day before. When it was raining. 

_Oh, how smart it was of me to walk home in the rain when my car was right there. You're a natural genius Lorelai_, she thought. 

She really was trying to block her thoughts from going to what had happened after that walk home in the rain. She didn't want to remember the horrible feelings that she had no idea why they were there, she didn't want to remember not even feeling the cold or the soaking wetness of the rain because her mind was so far off, she didn't want to remember the sobbing that she did, that she didn't know why she did, and the crying that she couldn't stop for no reason. 

She figured she could either just walk to work, or go the diner and get her car. 

Hm... 

It would be a chance to see Luke... a chance to clear up what had happened, a chance... 

No. Too soon. It was always too soon, even though all she wanted to do was move forward. 

She let out a long breath as she headed off, starting her walk off to work. It'd give her awhile to think, at least. 

Crap.

* * *

It was dark. Incredibly dark. And quiet. You could practically touch the silent that went through the air. It was, like most nights, a quiet night in Stars Hollow, even with the holiday season going in full force. There were a few light gray clouds in the sky, but it was a mostly clear night, with a sky full of stars. 

A dark, shadowed figure seemed to appear out of nowhere. It tried discreetly walk towards the diner, but ended up slightly tripping halfway there. Letting out a small giggle, the figure continued on, looking around to see if anyone else had seen or heard what happened. The figure had a box in it's hands, wrapped and complete with a bow. Taking one last look to see if anyone was around, she bent over and set the box right in front of the door to the diner. After standing back up, the shadow stood there for a second, and then slowly bent back down and lightly kissed the lid of the box. 

The figure sprang back up, turned around, and in a flash, disappeared into the night.

* * *

_tbc_

* * *

AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at 


	12. The Nearness Of You

**Author's note:** Yes, I have come back from the dead as a zombie to finish up this story. Ok, not really, I've been alive this whole time, it's just this story got lost under a wave of everything else in my life for awhile. But I want to finish it, because I still think this is a better (or just different) way they could have reconciled. So, this is basically like part one of the end, I have most of the second part, the real end, written out, but I want to post this part now just in case I get kicked off the computer before I finish typing it up. Merry Christmas. :-)

* * *

Several days passed, and time seemed to fly by. Before they knew it, it was Christmas Eve.

It was seven o'clock at night, and the Winter Festival was in full swing. The multitudes of dark, gray clouds looked divine against the blackness of the sky, and through it all you could still see a few bright stars peeking their way through.

But what was an even more marvelous sight than the night sky was the scene below it. There wasn't any snow layering the ground like there had been the year before, but it was a beautiful picture nonetheless. Tiny icicle-like lights were hung throughout the trees in the town square. The Christmas decorations has been refurbished and were strewn throughout the many booths, which ranged from make-your-own-Christmas-cookie to the classic knock-down-all-the-pins. The whole town in general had an aurora of holiday joy that was simply an exquisite thing in itself. It was so strong, it was hard for it to _not _rub off on you.

Lorelai had been debating on whether to stay home with a cup of rich hot cocoa and _A Christmas Story_ or to just suck it up and go to the festival since mid-afternoon. She kind of wanted to go to the festival, and she didn't want to just stay home and mope around, but she was afraid of what going to the festival would do to her. She was afraid that it would bring back too many painful memories of the festival the year before. When everything had begun to go downhill.

Fifteen minutes after the festival has started, she had been sitting on her couch at home, her warm, fuzzy socks on her feet, still trying to decide what to do, when Sookie showed up on her doorstep. She was determined to make Lorelai go the festival with her whether she wanted to or not. She wasn't about to let her best friend sit home alone on Christmas Eve.

"Sookie? What are you doing here?"

"You're coming with me," Sookie replied, grabbing Lorelai's wrist and attempting to pull her outside.

"Whoa, whoa, hold on a second there. First of all, I'm not going out there, in the cold, without shoes at least, unless it's an emergency or David Bowie's across the street. Second, where are you trying to take me?"

"The festival. I'm taking you to the festival, there is no way I am letting you stay home alone on Christmas Eve."

"Sook, I-"

"No! I am not taking no for an answer! We will take Davey and Martha around to all the little game booths and eat those hot, cinnamon pretzels you love, and try and figure out how Patty came up with whatever odd sort of dance routine she's having the kids do, and we will have fun."

"Well, I can't say no to a cinnamon pretzel."

"Okay then, let's go!"

Lorelai made her way to the closet to grab her coat and her shoes, and five minutes later, they were off. Before Lorelai knew it, they were at the town square.

To any outsider, Lorelai appeared to be having a good time, and in a way, she was. She enjoyed watching all the kids running around, playing games, listening to people chatting it up about what they got for so and so for Christmas, watching Kirk catch the pretzel machine on fire (a long while after she had gotten hers, thankfully). It's just that she was oddly quiet. She was, like she had been many times in the past few months, drifting off in her mind, getting lost in her thoughts.

Despite all this thinking she had been doing over the months, she was still as confused as ever.

* * *

The diner emptied out about an hour and a half earlier than it normally did. It seemed like the whole town was at the festival. Luke decided to use the extra time to do some weekly cleaning of the diner. At least this way he'd have an excuse to stay in the diner if Liz dropped by and tried to convince him to go to the festival again. She had tried two weeks ago, and a week ago, and a couple days ago, and earlier that very day, but he had said no each time and insisted that her and TJ and Doula go and have a good time without him.

He was never the happiest camper during the holidays. Mostly it was because it reminded him so much of his mom, how she used to love the holidays more than any other time of the year. Of course, that year he had more that just the memories of his mother to put him in a gloomy mood.

Anna seemed have become even more resistant of him spending time with April, because about a week before, she had called Luke and told him that April wouldn't be able to spend any time with him from Christmas Eve until New Years, since they would be going to April's grandparent's house.

He as he got out the mop and began to scrub the floor, he thought about what he would do for the rest of the night. He'd probably just finish up in the diner, and then go upstairs and fall asleep to some dumb Christmas movie...

Just the thought depressed him. He considered maybe just dropping my the festival, just for a bit...

But what if he ran into her?

That had been his main concern all along. He didn't know what to say to her yet. He didn't even know what he was thinking about it all yet. It was obvious that she was the one who left that early Christmas gift on the steps of the diner, but he once again tried to figure if it could be anyone else.

He knew he was wasting his time. It had been her, he knew it had been her. He just wasn't sure what she meant by it.

Was it just a simple Christmas present? What if it was just a gift in celebration of their revived friendship? Or, maybe it was really a sign... maybe she really _was _making the first move...

He wasn't sure. There was no way he could be sure. And he couldn't do anything about it until he was sure.

He was stuck. What a great was to spend Christmas Eve.

* * *

Less than a hundred yards away, Lorelai was surprised to find that she was actually enjoying herself, but at the same time she felt a hollow sort of sadness, hitting her deep inside. They were walking along the side of the square, the side closest to Luke's. She couldn't help but look over at the diner. As she turned her head for what she had planned to be a quick glance, her eyes immediately met with none other than Luke's, who was standing outside the diner door, in his coat and gloves, looking like he was going to walk across the street before he stopped in his tracks when he saw her turn towards him. They stood where they were, feeling no awkwardness, no embarrassment, feeling hardly anything at all, just looking.

Right then, Davey saw something he liked, and ran off. Sookie called after him and continued to go forward, but suddenly looked back, realizing Lorelai was no longer beside her. It took her only a second to realize what was going on.

"Go," she said, in a soft, warm tone.

Lorelai turned her head towards her, her face showing a glimpse of panic, and Sookie gave a small nod and a faint, reassuring smile, before continuing after Davey, not giving her a chance to back out. Lorelai quickly looked back towards Luke, not wanting to loose this chance, and slowly stepped off the curb, walking towards the diner. As she got closer, Luke began to walk forward as well, and they met in the street, close to the curb by the diner.

They stood in silence for just a moment before Lorelai took in a shallow breath, let a small, friendly smile come across her face, and prepared to speak.

"Hey."

He smiled back.

"Hey."

_tbc_

* * *

One more, guys, just one more, I swear! I am going to try to get it done before Christmas, but if not I'll try to get it done in the next few days. 


	13. A Piece of Paper and an Old Lady Ring

**Author's Note: **Could it be? Is it even POSSIBLE???! Oh, it is!!! I have finally finished A Season To Remember! happy dance. I have some more L&L fic ideas I've started working on, so be looking out for me (although, knowing me, I may not get the first chapter of any of them finished for two years! lol.) Hope you like the ending (and hopefully it's not too cheesy, I did my best to make it not so), I hope you've liked the rest of the story as well, and I hope you enjoy this last little bit of Christmas in March! ;-

* * *

"How've you been?"

Lorelai was the one who broke the few seconds of silence.

"Good, good... I was just about to, uh, go over to the festival, you know, get my small dose of holly-jolly crap for the year."

"Oh, well, I'll just let you..."

"No, no. How about we go, uh, for a walk, Lorelai?"

She smiled and gave a sort of half-nod as they began to walk down the street, in the middle of the road (seeing as the streets were deserted since everybody was at the festival), away from the nosiness at the square.

They walked slowly in the cold, icy-feeling weather. Conversation started slowly at first, but it soon picked up, just like old times.

"Oh, by the way, I forgot to ask, you didn't happen to leave this hat on the steps of the diner, did you?"

"Well, don't be silly Luke, of course I didn't leave the hat on the steps. It'd get blown away or stolen if I left just the hat. I left a _box_ on the steps, with the hat inside of it."

He laughed. "I figured it was you."

"Yeah, I figured you'd figure it was me."

"Why didn't you just give it to me?"

"Well, I... after I left the other day, I thought things were... well, I didn't know if things would be ok in time for me to give you the hat by Christmas, so I imagined leaving it at the diner would work well enough," she said, finishing quickly to avoid feeling awkward any longer.

"Oh." He knew there was more behind what she said, but he didn't want to push it right then. He was enjoying just being with her too much.

"Yeah... I saw it at a store, and just thought that I should get it for you, you know, seeing as how you lost your other one, or whatever..." She knew he didn't loose it, but she had thought she was going to be able to come up with a better reason as to why he hadn't been wearing it, and the only other reason she could think of was the real one.

She didn't need to think any further.

"I- I didn't loose it. I stopped wearing it after we broke up because... well, it reminded me of... everything, of... you, too much, and back then that was- too much to handle."

"Yeah." She paused. "Well, that's not nearly as crazy as what I did."

"What?"

"I...," she inhaled deeply, already feeling embarrassed for the ridiculousness of what she did. "... I got rid of every single thing that reminded me of you. Or that actually was yours."

"Really?"

"Yeah. My house looked like that tornado that Dorothy dealt with came through it, it was," she laughed, "really bad."

"Did you actually get rid of it all?"

"Uh, well, I tried, but Rory knew better than to listen to me, and she stowed it all away in an unused shed at the Inn."

"Oh man."

"Yeah, I get a wee bit crazy sometimes," she said, quickly remembering who she was talking too, "but you already knew that."

"Yes, yes I did," he smiled jokingly. "You're not alone, though... in what you did."

"Now Luke, don't tell me you went completely nutty like me? You're one of the few sane people I know I can never turn crazy on this planet!"

"Well, I didn't go to the extreme you did. I mean, if I did, I would've had to get rid of the whole diner. But uh, I did the whole box thing, you know, and stuck it far away in the back of my closet."

"Oh my my, how cliché you've become, Luke Danes."

"Hey, better than being a nut like you and getting rid of half my house."

"That's true." She giggled. "So you really got _everything _and put it away, never to see the light of day again?"

"Actually..."

The stopped walking, still in the middle of the street, and Luke dug into his back pocket, searching for something. He took out his wallet, and pulled out a small, faded piece of paper. Newspaper, it looked like.

He switched it to his left hand, and held it up for her to see.

The horoscope.

She took in a short, sharp breath, her eyes widening in surprise and admiration.

"Oh, Luke."

He had kept it. After all that happened, after all this time, he had kept it. The scenarios she had in her head of him ripping it to pieces in anger and disgust weren't true. He had kept it, possibly just a piece of memorabilia from the good times, but she knew it meant more.

He had kept, if even just the tiniest amount, some hope.

She completely forgot all about her surroundings, what was happening, everything. She stood, looking at the horoscope. Luke stood, looking at her.

She stared, trying to remember everything she could about that day so many winters ago. She observed the paper, how it was ripped along the edges, her handwriting from many years past. She could hardly believe how much time had passed between that first day they met and now. How much wasted time had passed.

It was beyond time for this.

Pulling half-way out of her daze, she reached into her purse. She unzipped the inner pocket, and pulled out their engagement ring.

She held it up for him to see.

He had the same reaction she did to the horoscope just moments earlier, the same overwhelming feelings of shock and awe.

He found words.

"The ring."

"I kept it. I threw out everything else, but... I kept this. I had it in the bottom drawer of the nightstand, away, but, but still there, and then I just decided to... keep it with me."

She kept it. After everything they had been through, she kept it. And he knew in a second what it meant. Yes, it was a nice, valuable ring, but she wouldn't have kept it this long, let alone have kept it in her purse, if it didn't mean something.

And even beyond those reasons, he could tell simply by the look on her face when she took it out.

They were quite a sight to be seen there, one holding up a piece of paper, the other holding a ring, both doing nothing but looking into the eyes of the other like they had wanted to for so many seemingly endless months.

And then, something of true amazingness happened. Something that seemed too cliché to even be plausible, let alone actually occur. Something that was simply right.

Luke reached out and gently wrapped his hand around that of Lorelai's that was holding the ring.

At the same instant, snow began to gently fall from the sky.

There was a commotion coming from the town square down the street as a flake fell softly on their conjoined hands and they both looked up at the sky.

"It's... It's snowing!" Lorelai said, smiling like a kid in a candy shop.

"Yeah." Luke was smiling as well, although not quite as big.

"Finally."

"Yeah, I mean, this whole winter, it's felt like there's been something-"

"-wong, yeah, I've felt the same thing. It was just so weird not having it snow, it seemed like something was majorly wrong in the world,"

"Yeah, I know, and I don't even like the stuff that much."

Lorelai let out a chuckle at his statement.

Then they both looked down at their hands, which were still conjoined as they had been when it started snowing.

"Lorelai-," he said, ready to protest.

"Luke." She took the hand of his that had been holding hers in both her hands and held it between then, the ring still pressed between her thumb and finger. "Please," she said, half-whispering. "You know. I know. We both know now."

"This time, though, we need to do it right, we-"

"I know, and we will. We will talk through everything, even if it is a little difficult at first, and we will make sure we make it this time. I mean, we've already started, that itself proves we're ready," she said, her bright blue eyes wide, teary-eyed, pleading with his.

_Those eyes. _

He took his free hand and brushed a flake of snow out of her hair, let his fingers gently caress her cheek, then rested his hand on her shoulder.

"I... I missed you."

"Right back at you, buddy," her words being the opposite of how seriously true she was about it. She let out a hard breath, getting a determined look in her eyes. "Luke, we can do it this time."

He looked at her long and hard. "I know." He paused, so she knew that he really mean it. "But Lorelai, I really think we need to-"

"All that matters right now is that we both know. We will figure this all out, but we don't need to tonight, Luke. I mean... it's _snowing_."

He took a breath and smiled.

"It's snowing."

His hand slid down her body and stopped at her waist, as he gently pulled her toward him. She paused for a moment, looking down, then looked back up as she started to release her left hand from his and brought it up to his head, tenderly wrapping it around the back of his neck.

Neither one could wait another second.

They both released the hands they still had conjoined, Luke's reaching for her back, Lorelai's reaching for his shoulder. Their lips met, the moment they had both envisioned for so long finally happening. Their kiss was a bit tentative at first, almost like their first time, but their was a deliberate softness to it, both taking their time. This grew too much for them, though, and it quickly deepened, her bringing her hands to his face, him clutching her to him, both sharing this like it was the first and last time they would ever kiss.

There was one more factor worth mentioning in this scene that gave it the little bit of quirkiness that had always been so Luke-and-Lorelai. On the ground, being slowly covered in snowflakes, was a ten-year-old Scorpio horoscope cut out from a newspaper, and not far away was a beautiful engagement ring, both of which had fallen from the hands of two people whose love had proven unstoppable.

Oh, what a sight it was.

* * *

I suppose I could tell you about what happened next. I could tell you how, once they finally broke away from their embrace, they went searching through the snow for the lost horoscope and ring (since by that point so much snow had fallen the items in question were out of sight), Lorelai laughing and joking about it the whole time, Luke being serious and upset at first, then giving in to her lightheartedness about the whole thing, just as it has always happened. I could tell you how they went back to the festival for a few minutes, only to be greeted by a shrieking, excited Sookie who could tell what had happened just by the looks on their faces. I could tell you about what happened after they left the festival (although if I did, the rating of this fanfiction would have to be changed). I could even go on and tell you what happened the following days, how they worked through everything, and how their voyage together set sail once again.

But, alas, I am not going to get into all of that. There are many reasons as to why, but I think the biggest one is that it's simply not needed. This part of their lives had it's beginning and it's end, and to go further would be devaluing this special part of their life together in a way.

And now, it is time to go back to those two oh-so-special words I mentioned earlier.

Christmas magic.

Tis true, my friend. I told you I would prove it to you.

Of course, Christmas magic cannot work by itself. On this particular expedition, it was greatly helped by fate, because, you see, if any of the random occurrences that did happen, didn't, things could have gone down a much different road. What would have happened if Luke had decided to take the other road on his way to Hartford? What would have happened if Liz had not borrowed Luke's car? The list continues on and on.

Now, before you think I've gone off the deep end, obviously it wasn't all fate and magic and crap that helped them find their way back to each other. They used the opportunities they were given, and no matter how much fate was involved, if they hadn't done that, then none of this would have happened.

They made it happen.

But it was the holiday magic that helped them through it, that pushed it just a little further, that helped them realize what was supposed to happen, what was the right thing, what they truly needed: each other.

* * *

They smoothly broke their kiss apart, him rubbing her stomach, as they continued to watch the snow fall outside, feeling the same magic that had helped them come back together almost a year before.

The holidays can be the best and the worst time of year. They can also change everything, and make the seemingly impossible happen.


End file.
